Monday, August 15, 2011

...a new featured link, bachelor chow, goin' back to school and jerbs.

Featured Link:

SO, sososososo, here we are again! For whatever raisin you find me entertaining enough to continue reading my shit, so bloggan-a-go-go, baby!

I will do my best to not fail you!

Above all, hello to my new readers. Don't piss in the corners, I got cold beer in the fridge for guests since I myself do not drink, and above all take off your goddamn shoes before you just waltz all up in here. Keep it clean, y'knowwhatImean?

Speakin' of which, it is hard as FUCK to do dishes with cold water. Now, I'm an uber-hygenic motherfucker...hell, it could be said that I'm downright metrosexual when it comes to cleanliness. I like my loofah, I like dat Axe Snake Peel body wash, and I dig my Garnier Fruictis products.

Me and my partner-in-crime have this super-awesome shower head with, like, 14 different settings or whatever and there's two that I particularly enjoy: massage-pounding jets and "rainfall" pounding jets. Either way I can easily eat up the hot water with a 40-60 minute shower.

Bathing? Shit yeah son, I'll do that shit. Gimme a book, some tunes and you'll never get me outta the tub.

Now, when I embarked on my little "proving mission" by surviving in this shithole for at LEAST two months, part of the issue is that I'm living without hot water. Some of you (especially you countrified motherfuckers) are all, "AWWW Bastard, that's not that bad!" yes it is shut your whore country mouth.

Seriously, shit SUCKS without constant hot water. I'm just thankful the "well water" this place draws from is only 7% nitrates...or was it 15%? Either way, that shit can kill pregnant women.

I ain't pregnant, but still...that shit worries me.

On the other hand at least I HAVE clean water, and am able to boil it when I need hot water to do some of my harder-to-clean dishes with...but it still sucks ass, and is good for my soul.

If I can tough this shit out, I can start reclaiming what I took for granted, y'knowwhatImean? The little pleasures in life like hot water, or actual air conditioning/heating or space to live and move about in. If I can train in a small-assed cabin like this, then I can survive anywhere.

So I've had a little JERRRRBS trouble recently. A particular warehouse wanted me at first...until I revealed that I wear nothing but black khakis. I don't even own one pair of blue jeans, y'knowwhatImean? Apparently that's all they want you to wear.

So yeaaaaah...shit's pretty interesting. I can go to one factory and make minimum wage at 40+ hours a week (but the work is harder) and I can just switch out when it's time to focus on college or I can go with the other one that wants me to work 40+ hours a week in a warehouse at minimum wage for a guaranteed 10-12 weeks.

I dunno, if I put my word on it it might give me troubles later on once the Winter Quarter starts...

SO, yes. I am indeed going back to school to get my friggin' baccalaureates, amongst other things. Yet another field switch for me, this time I'm going to focus on what I'm best at: either I'm gonna major in English and minor in communications - broadcasting or vice-versa. Either way I've already consolidated my old loans (am in the process?), have turned in my FAFSA, and will be applying to (NAME REVOKED DUE TO ANONYMITY) University as soon as possible. I should be able to get in with no trouble for Winter Quarter, but we'll see...I still gotta get transcripts from all four universities/tech schools I've been to (I'm fairly certain I have, like, two years worth of credits under my belt and can challenge the classes I need to in order to get sophomore, if not junior, status), and the application to the University I wanna be in costs 55 bucks.

Maybe I should put an Amazon Affiliates thing on my blogs? I dunno...

SO, wish me luck as I embark on returning to (DERP) University, eh? I'm pro'lly gonna need it. OH, and check this - I found out how to get my own radio show on the local student radio channel, KUGS. If I DO get my show (after, like, two semesters or whatever have you) then I'll be sure to at least make mention of who I might be. Hey, maybe I'll kinda do a crossed-up thing between my blogs and that show, eh?

I SHOULD DO A FEATURED LINK POST naw I'll do it here amongst my normal posts. Anyway, Neon...what can be said 'bout this motherfucker? Badassed Unreal Tournament videos, hell I wouldn't've even LEARNED of UT3 if not for him! Check him out, tell him That Bastard sent ya, eh?

Show love to yer fellow bloggers, mah niggas!

With all THAT stated, welcome to my new segment for That Bastard On...

Bachelor Chow~! Wanna cook like That Bastard (who cooks awesomely)? Well dig this recipe...

...naw fuck it, I'll tell you 'bout fryin' yer peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I swear I'll EVENTUALLY reveal to you the contents of my Nightmare Oatmeal and Terror Oatmeal, but in the meantime lemme hit ya with a lil' somethin'-somethin'...ya see, it wasn't until recently that I re-gained my lifelong love of good ol' P.B. n' J. It doesn't help that my PIC snagged the most DELICIOUS strawberry preserves a small while back from Costco, and while she's in California it's kinda up to me to eat the fuck out of it.

And eat the fuck out ot it I WILL! I mean I was honestly going to wait until she came back, but now that she's going to school up there for two semesters...someone's gotta man up and do what needs to be done.

That man is ME!

So with that stated, I made a big-assed peanut butter and strawberry preserves sammich on wheat bread, and I don't mean your normal peanut butter: this is big-assed jars of extra-crunchy Jif.

Fuck you creamy haters, soft-toofed bitch niggas.

So suffice it to say, I made me a monster mamma-jamma sammich, right? But then I smeared unsalted butter on one side of the sandwich, slapped it in the pan, smeared butter on the other side and flipped it when it was time.

Boom, fried peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. And you know what?


Seriously, it was some SERIOUSLY good shit goin' on! Just uuuuuuuungh PEANUT BUTTAH ACTIVAAAATE so fucking good I'm gonna go make one right the fuck now.

You haven't tried such a thing yet? What, you gotta better PBnJ recipe? Hit a brotha up in the comments section and lemme know 'bout it.

So yeah, it's time for a badassed sammich! Catch you guys 'round next post, eh?

OHHHHH, before I forget, I got new shit up at Soothe and MFM (don't I always?) and my PIC is plotting the next Bellingham Jerk...though I might beat her to the punch. Not enough activity on that puppy, except that I'm kinda in a position where I CAN'T eat at as many restaurants that deserve my CURSE WORDS powers. I'll get to 'em though, have no fear mein freunds~!

Also, I've got the Iron Maiden Extravaganza megapage ready, but it's not time to put it up just yet. I've got some Vocaloid mess up on Soothe right now, and if you don't know what they are you should check it out, yah?

Much love, peace, and all dat peanut buttah grease!

~That Bastard


  1. Holy fuck! Oops, you did it again? Haha! Thank you man.
    You know what, I'm just like you. My girlfriend is used to do the dishes with cold water and I'm like "Fuck my life, I'll have to do it again with hot water".
    And please, if you ain't pregnant, explain dat belly to me!

    I write this post while eating peanut butter actually. You jelly?

    btw you should check this video right here:

  2. You don't drink? And you have beer in your fridge? Please don't tell me it's full of Coors Light.

  3. @Neon - HA HA, loofah...I have a black one.

    Er, Loofha...I have a black loofah...

    And fuck yeah, I said I'd hook ya up on my featured links and I AM a man of my word, y'knowwhatImean?

    @Beer - Bro, I gots dat imported shit. I gots straight-up german drank and ales fer my guests.

    Oh, this one? I opened it up just for you, bro...go for it! Go on, chug it without looking at it!!

    Heh, naw I'm just jokin' with ya bro, I'm not really gonna date rape ya. Hell, I don't even know ya that well enough to date rape ya yet, m'man!

  4. want to make that fried pbnj even better? put chips in the sandwich. thank me later.

  5. Bro, this is major screed status.

    I eagerly follow you.

  6. @Bowen - EWWWWW, I've had it like that before. Not my thing. Admittedly they were just potato chips...still, wasn't a good experience, y'knowwhatImean?

    Still, to each their own! C'est la vie and what-not~!



  7. How old are you? WHy dont you drink???????????

  8. I cannae tell ya my age, gotta remain anonymous. I'm old enough to drink though.

    As far as WHY don't I drink, it's just a personal thing, m'man. I react violently to peer pressure, and have busted a guy's mouf for gettin' too aggressive with trying to get me to drink with him.

    Admittedly though, nowadays...I guess I'm just comfortable with not drinking, 's all.

  9. >anonymous
    >from Bellingham
    >loves tanned bitches with nice asses
    >again >anonymous

    dont mind me, I'm high