Thursday, November 22, 2012

HAPPY TURKEY DUUUUUUUUR!~


HAPPY TURKEY AND RAPE DAY.

BECAUSE THIS IS NOT TURKEY RAPE DAY.

THAT IS A DIFFERENT DAY.

ALSO IF YOU FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE ELSE, YOU'D'VE HEARD THIS JOKE BY NOW. :3

STILL, I'M SAYING IT FOR YOUUUUUUUU~!

BECAUSE.

THAT'S WHY.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - TURURDURUURURUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

THIS IS WHAT THE SOUND TURKEYS MAKE!

TURKEEEEEYYYYYYYS!

AND THE EASTER BUNNY IS JESUS.

P.P.S. - No, this isn't Man-Flavored Milk.  I'm just high on Tryptophan, or however it's spelled.

Turkey vitamins.

<3

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Next Big Thing Blog Tour~!

Well, I've been tagged in a blog tour thing.  :D  Big ups to Cyma for suggesting it, and to Clarissa Clatharn for hostin' it~!

SO, without further adieu heeeeeere we go~!

Straight outta Compton~!


What is the title of your latest book?

The Generalist - Taboo 4: Angle of the Angels.  Technically it's "Generalis Omnibus volume 1," but that's an actual Omnibus not a current story.

OH, wait, I just finished two short stories exclusive to the Omnibus edition.  Taboo X - Interdimensional Villain's Day and Taboo X - Stand Against the Heart of Darkness.

All my short stories for The Generalist is "Taboo X," and always canon.

ALWAYS.  CANON!

...and yes, I wrote it as "Generalis."  Lol made-up Latin.

Where did the idea come from for the book?
My muse.  My Muse.  And it sprang forth from these short stories I wrote about this Frank Todd character, who was pretty much a fictional version of me, just a guy with a different name.

I really HAVE scared off a stalker because the reality was freakier than her fantasies about me.  I've also had a conversation with God.

The only difference between the Frank Todd from back then and the Frank Todd of The Generalist is all in backstory, lore, and it expands on certain tropes I myself have undergone throughout my short life.

Yes, I have saved the world once.  It was boring, though, and no one ever wants to hear the story about that.

What genre does your book fall under?

Action-adventure urban fantasy novella serials.  Like everything else about me, very niche, very pretentious.

I guess...pro-LBGT?  Er, African-American, Interracial, Hindu, Theological Alternative, Multi-Pantheistic, I mean...it's just such a melting pot of so much goodness. :3

What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

This actually came up recently. :D  Michael Jai White as Dash (with CGI to make him bigger, taller, green...and, well, a troll), and The Rock as Frank Todd.

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

The Generalist!  Because you simply cannot read about people getting punched in the face ENOUGH!

Is your book self-published or represented by an agency?

Self-published.  I actually lack pretentiousness enough to seriously call myself an indie author and publisher, but only because I actually have a shred of self-respect.  That and I still dream of being published.

I mean, it's fun - I worked hard to learn how to format for Kindle, Smashwords, and Createspace on my own the hard way until I mastered it.  I know how to arrange for the cover and everything, and even know some basic and intermediate marketing strategies....but, honestly?

I've wanted to be a published writer ever since I was little, so yeah.  Being published has and always will be a goal of mine.  Like, somehow by virtue of some publisher saying "You're good enough to publish!" is the benchmark of a real writer.

...perhaps as an artist, I dunno.  But it's just a thing of mine, 's all.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

All the episodic taboos take me anywhere from a couple of days to a week to actually write.  The majority of my time is taken up with editing, bothering my beta readers, formatting, and marketing. :3

Taboo 2 (and, eventually, 3) took a month just 'cuz I wrote it too goddamned big, plus I was working a 12-16 hour job at the time.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

HOOOOOOO BOY.

Honestly, I've never read anything like The Generalist.  I'd like to say that it can be likened to a cross between Steven Barnes (Gorgon Child is what really got me revved onto hardcore action literature) and Michael Moorcock (who was horrible at describing backgrounds, but great at creating pandimensional lore and multiple levels of existence vying for control of EVERYTHINGcopyrighttm).

Otherwise, let's just say I'm the first Thomas Duder.  That Bastard himself.  Malice.  JDW his goddamned self.  And every other name I'm known by. :3

Who or what inspired you to write this book?


God, my muse, my Muse, figured it was just time to step up and be a writer after my heavy metal band broke up.  Strangely enough, I started doing trade photo shoots and became a local model (I was SUPPOSED to do it under the name "Malice," but all the models know me as Thomas Duder, so...meh, fuck it)  at the same time I started self-publishing.

A bizarre coincidence, but whatevers. :3

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

People are going to read this not for the sumptuous writing, the sensual aspects, the alternative theological depictions of...well, every deity ever.

People aren't going to read The Generalist because of the alternative history bullshit, or the way I describe the characters, the deep character interactions, backstory, or witty and humorous dialogue.  People aren't even going to read this because of all the tropes this series hits, like how pro-LBGT it is, or how color blind and rainbow'ed out the cast is, with just about every race gettin' a moment in the spotlight or how every gender and all in between get a chance to be badassed.

No, I want people to read The Generalist because it's a freakin' orgy of violence.  I want only the most mismanaged motherfuckers to seek my series out because they are just THAT seriously about the literary violence.  I'm talkin' about some seriously maladjusted metalheads massing by the millions to headbang en masse over the pure liquid anger management issues I've written about.

Don't like my bullshit because "OH WOW HE'S WRITING ABOUT THE GAYS" or "LOL BLACKS JUST LIKE ME!" or "DUDE DID THAT CHARACTER JUST ACTIVATE A PAIR OF UNICORN ROCKET WINGS ON HIS WHEELCHAIR?!" naw, fuck all that noise.

Read it 'cuz it's the business about pure, raw action to go with a fairly interesting story.  Read it 'cuz you're just THAT into action-adventure stories.

Hell, just read it. :3

-----------------------------------------------------------

Find those modeling pics I spoke of over at Nerf All The Things:
http://www.nerfallthethings.com

Find Cyma's blogstuffs at:
http://www.thedamnedseries.com/


Find Clarissa's blogstuffs at:
http://savvyandwinning.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-next-big-thing-blog-tour.html

And my usual plethora of FOLLOW ME EVERYWHERE bullshit. :D

The Generalist – Taboo 2: Magic and Mayhem (Part 1 of The Mayhem Arc)
Round 1 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem.html
Round 2 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_10.html
Round 3 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_9137.html
Round 4 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_1357.html
Final Round - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_8653.html

****

The Generalist – Taboo 3: Misfits and Mayhem (Part 2 of The Mayhem Arc)

Round 1 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and.html
Round 2 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_11.html
Round 3 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_6535.html
Round 4 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_675.html
Final Round - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_6355.html

Wanna hang with me sometime?  I'm spread out as thin as a single-celled organism CAN be spread...and I have more than one cell nonetheless!
The Generalist - Taboo 0: Cliché of Memories is free over here:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/239832

And The Generalist - Taboo 1: Where's the Beef? is only a $1.50 at both Smashwords and Amazon:

Smashwords - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/249546

Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/The-Generalist-Taboo-Wheres-ebook/dp/B009YLO9XU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1352071466&sr=1-1&keywords=the+generalist+taboo+1+where%27s+the+beef+thomas+duder


Well, reckon it's time for the rest of my length~! Be prepared, I got one for each penis-tentacle. :3

The Pen Is My Sword (my main litblog)
http://www.thepenismysword.com

That Bastard On (personal opinions, whinery, my second most popular blog. :3 )
http://on.thepenismysword.com

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio (kinda down right now - The Hooligans hasn't put out any new content. :/ )
http://www.kaosparty.com

Sooth(e) Your Freaking Beast (musics I find from the Youtubes)
http://sooth.thepenismysword.com

Man-Flavored Milk (I type like a maniac and post strange videos.  It actually started with an idea at first to be an ARG where it slowly descends into madness, then I kinda went "meh" and just stayed there)
http://mfm.thepenismysword.com

Netflix This! (lists that answer the question "What Should I Watch Tonight On Netflix?" )
http://netflixthis.thepenismysword.com

The Bellingham Jerk (restaurant reviews from local places 'round here in Bellingham, and what got me started into blogging. :D )
http://jerk.thepenismysword.com

Messed Up and Violent (my blog at Goodreads)
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6541268.Thomas_Duder/blog

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: : /ThatBastardFromBellingham (thatbastardfb@gmail.com)
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder
TUMBLR: http://thatbastardfrombellingham.tumblr.com/
YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/user/JDWForever
AUTHOR PAGE: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorOfTheThings
GOODREADS: ...freakin' Thomas Duder. :D



Sunday, November 4, 2012

...new featured link, collection of Bachelor Chow links, The Generalist, shenanigans.

Featured Link

Uhhhh....shit, who was I giving this one to again?

I mean, I joined up with SO FUCKING MANY...no joke.

Still, I guess I'm gonna give the shoutout TOOOOOOOO Ella's Blah Blah Blog.

http://elladominguez.blogspot.com/

Ella Dominguez is a young author I met through Goodreads, and who has been absolutely instrumental in gettin' me goin' on the marketin' side of things.  Interveiws, reviews - she's made more than a coupla suggestions to me, and is currently the only person (outside of one or two others) who actually others with reading my blog over at Goodreads, Messed Up and Violent, where I moan, whine, and bitch about being an indie publisher.

Her blog is kinda the same thing, chronicling her moves as she herself goes about the indie publishing world, pimpin' her BDSM erotica "The Art of Submission."  She's actually done more than a coupla books, and in my estimation is a better writer than I am...especially when it comes to erotica.

It's not that I CAN'T write a sex scene, I can just write more about people punching each other than fucking each other.  I dunno, perhaps that'll change sometime...we'll see.  As a writer, I should always be improving.

Well, if I ever go the route of erotica, Ella is DEFINITELY one of the ones out there I'll be hittin' up for pointers. :D

Messed Up and Violent

As stated before, I'm actually over on Goodreads and I have a crappy little blurb-laden blog there.  Seriously, I write WAY less over there than on any of my "official blogs"...so if you're actually THAT curious about my processes as I go about being an indie publisher and such, hit me up here -

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6541268.Thomas_Duder/blog

Funny story in that if you REALLY wanna stalk me, I go by my pen name there, "Thomas Duder."  You oughta know me on sight by now, what with my writing style. :3

So, really...I'm now the blogger of 10 different blogs, three of which are current inactive. :3  Ugh.

Bacehlor Chow - The Links

Just ignore this, or check it out if you wish.  Just glommin' over some stuff, seein' what I've already done and what I'm gonna do next for the Bachelor Chow segment.

Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly Sammich - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2011/08/new-featured-link-bachelor-chow-goin.html
Breakfast Sammich Theory (Smoked Sausage Breakfast Sammich) - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2011/09/construction-work-smashed-dreams.html
The Outlaw Dog - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/01/bachelor-chow-literary-shiznits.html
The Make Fats Breakfast Sammich (a.k.a. - The Fuckhueg) - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/02/new-featured-link-new-bachelor-chow.html
Costco Mixup (Ravioli + Sun dried tomatoes in olive oil and herbs) - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/04/new-featured-link-emotional.html
Plate of Heart Attack - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/new-bachelor-chow-new-featured-link.html
Barbecue Pulled Pork Breakfast Sammich - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/featured-link-of-day-blowoff-is.html
Breakfast Potato - http://on.thepenismysword.com/2012/09/featured-links-updates-marketing.html


The Generalist, Taboo 0 and 1

SO.  I'll be taking Taboo 1 down from The Pen today, and forcing you, my beloved Reader, to buy it at Smashwords and Amazong. :D  If it helps, it has a snazzy cover and is full of the action that you crave~!

Taboo 0, on the other hand, is free forever at Smashwords.

Here, lemme help you enjoy all this reading...

Taboo 0 - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/239832 (as always, Amazong hasn't caught up yet to the fact that Smashwords is sellin' it free..gah)
Taboo 1 at Smashwords - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/249546
Taboo 1 at Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/The-Generalist-Taboo-Wheres-ebook/dp/B009YLO9XU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1352071466&sr=1-1&keywords=the+generalist+taboo+1+where%27s+the+beef+thomas+duder

Buy it, read it, like it, gimme reviews and stars. :3  G'wan and surprise me, dazzle me with 'em!

Marketing Upswing...?

Yeah, I still need to prune my shit down, but DO expect to see quite a bit of reviews and interviews and the like from yours truly.  I haven't even BEGUN to start smashin' up on the interview scene, but I find that I like doin' 'em.

I like doin' 'em A LOT~! :D  I dunno why...perhaps it scratches my attention whore itch?

Yeah, pro'lly.  Plus it just seems like I get more views and activity whenever I do 'em...so why not?  Go for it.

SO.  Do you have a blog, or are involved in a publication somewhere?  Is there a local 'zine you know of who just loves fuckin' around with indie authors and such?

Well, hit me up!  Here, at my little cbox chatter thing, or thatbastardfb@gmail.com.

Hit a bruddah up, let's do work. <3

The New Job

So yeah, I'm now a virtual office assistant, na independant contractor for a auto refurbishing/used car sales lot.

And y'know what?  It's everything I thought it'd be. D:

Seriously.  It's fuckin' AWESOME!  My phone skills are fucking godlevel, and I'm goddamned leet with this shit.

You can't come close to my filing skills, son.  Fo sheezy.

With ALL THAT STATED, are you a car flippin' type?  Or are you just into cars?  Then hit me up in the e-mail, would ya?  I need to go to school on a coupla things, and I need to pick a car persons' brain. D:

As is, I want this.  I want this BAD!

http://bellingham.craigslist.org/cto/3355920622.html

My New Author Page

The Official Author Page of Thomas Duder - http://www.facebook.com/AuthorOfTheThings

Go like it, tell yer friends 'bout it, go check out mah books. :3

Really, me and my friends have just been 'tardin' it up, but I'll honestly ask any question posed to me by a fan, a follower, or a Reader over there. :D  Hit a bruddah up, yah?

My Weird Health

So, last week I damn near died due to an allergic reaction to ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING.

Seriously, that old thingamobobber is, as always, tryin' to keep a brotha down.  Whatever it is, it failed.

But I gotta admit, this time around...it actually came kinda close to gettin' me. :/  Still, I'm not ALLERGIC to anything, and I'm absolutely fine and once again am working out on my usual schedule.

Still, it does worry me...but I can't let it worry me for too long.  There's simply too much stuff to get done, including getting these goddamned covers done for Taboo 0's debut physical copy.

Ayup.

In the meantime, for those who heard about it on Faecbawks or my twitter feed, I'm doin' fine and well.  My car's transmission is slowly dying, but I might be pickin' up a nice used Volkswagen soon enough.  Gotta dig them puppies, no joke.  Hell, one saved my boss's LIFE...and the story in and of itself really strikes a chord with me, especially considering my own knee and the pain of physical therapy.

Suffice it to say, the guy I work for is a man after my own heart when it comes to indomitable will and honor.

Did I mention I'm totally digging on my new job?  Even if it's part time, it's head and shoulders above workin' in the Light Industrial sector!

Contact Info

Get ready for teh SPAMWAVE of e-stuff to follow me at. :D

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/ThatBastardFromBellingham (thatbastardfb@gmail.com)
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder
TUMBLR: http://thatbastardfrombellingham.tumblr.com/
YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/user/JDWForever
AUTHOR PAGE: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorOfTheThings
The Sound Byte Page (though really all you gotta do is just follow me at Youtube, y'know?)
http://sooth.thepenismysword.com/2012/02/care-to-hear-from-yours-truly.html

Messed Up and Violent
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6541268.Thomas_Duder/blog

The Pen Is My Sword
http://www.thepenismysword.com

That Bastard On
http://on.thepenismysword.com

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio
http://kaospartyradio.blogspot.com

Sooth(e) Your Freaking Beast
http://sooth.thepenismysword.com

Man-Flavored Milk
http://mfm.thepenismysword.com

Netflix This!
http://netflixthis.thepenismysword.com

The Bellingham Jerk
http://jerk.thepenismysword.com

Legion HQ! (currently disbanded)
http://anubisunit.blogspot.com

Well, back to updating ALL THE BLOGS...or at least most of 'em. :3  DO expect some new stuff on Nerf pretty soon, as well as KAOS: Chaos Party Radio.

Hell, we're about to give my DVR a nice little workout, y'dig?

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

Sunday, October 28, 2012

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

I was going to make a big-assed post for you guys today.

There was gonna be updates.  At least five blogs would've gotten new content.

I would've told you guys about how Taboo 1 is gonna be ready for sale soon, and how I AM going to go ahead with the Omnibus plan, and how I'm going to be setting up a T.V. Tropes and Wikipedia article for The Generalist and my august and inglorious self....

I was going to post up a sample from the short stories, available ONLY through the omnibus.

...but then I started learning how to screw with stuff so it's available for Createspace.

EVERYTHING was going so pleasant, everythin's practically already done...

BUT THEEEEEEN I ran across the FINAL bit of editing necessary before adding the Table of Contents and uploadin' the damn thing. :3  Page numbering, headers for left page and right page.

SUFFICE IT TO SAY, FUCK EVERYTHING, REDRUM IS MURDER BACKWARDS, I'M GOING TO BED, GOOD NIGHT!

~That Bastard

P.S. - A quick prayer to whomever's out there, y'all in Hawaii batten down yer hatches and stay as safe as possible, y'heard?

Friday, October 12, 2012

...blogroll, DESTROYED! Featured Link, DESTROYED! The Pen, DESTROYED!

NO FEATURED LINK TODAY!  DESTROYED!

Hmmmm.  Should I even continue this?  We'll see.

Blogroll DESTROYED!

So yaaaaar, I'm gonna be pruning my blogroll.  I KNOOOOOW I just added, like, fifty new blogs to it (mostly from Goodreads...actually, no, all from Goodreads.  WELL, two from KDP, but yeah...Goodreads. :D

ON THE OTHER HAND, I've finally learned how to actually, y'know, take inactive blogs outta my watchlist, AND SO since I've now got umpteen-kahundred new blogs to check out and comment, I do believe it's time to get rid of some of the ones that simply aren't active, or aren't inexactly aligned with my style anymore, y'know?

SO.  If I take ya off my blogroll and you happen to be one of the ones who are A) active and B) communicative with meh, or plain ol' miss me (truuuuust me, I won't mind that. :D ), hit a bruddah up, yah?  I'll add ya right back on.

The Pen Is My Sword DESTROYED!  I mean, embiggened.  Aw fuck this running gag.


OHHHHHHHH boy.  I KNOW you've noticed the HUGEFUECK AMOUNT OF POSTS I made over at The Pen Is My Sword, right?  9 parts, 97 pages...Taboos 2 and 3, The Mayhem Arc!  It's actually a wonderful showcase of how violent The Generalist can get, and the way I always envisioned it.

Now to just edit it so it's just a little more palatable, y'know?

BUT, it's there, ready to be read!  Go hit it up, lemme know. :D

...admittedly, am I bein' too excitable about this? =._.=  I mean, I'm pretty excited...but I haven't been inundating my usual media sources TOO much, have I?

I can't help it, honestly, though.  Sucks bein' a dude nowadays...especially since I have to work harder than the average to simply get views. Me and my crappy luck with marketing and advertising, lol.

Speaking of which...

MARKETING MARKETING MARKETING


So yeah, I think I'm just about exhausted on this front.  I shouldn't really feel that frustrated, but it honestly does (as always) feel as if all my marketing attempts simply aren't yielding fruit at all.

When one gets a bad hand, ya shrug it off and keep playin'.  When ya get a bad beat, pretend as if YOU were the one who won it big and act accordingly.

When you're completely shut down, you get up from the table and find a new one.  You don't stop PLAYING, but you do get the hell away from that table.

On the other hand, what's a brotha to do?  Just gotta keep writing, I reckon...but I can't help but to feel a bit, I dunno.

Frustrated?

I mean, the product is fuckin' hot.  It SHOULD practically sell itself, and by all marketing theory and business acumen and other blah....well, you have to have a good product first, right?

I mean, that's supposed to be at least 4/10's of the sale.  The rest is effort and salesmanship.

...maybe I should just finagle a bunch of females to host my blog?

...>sigh<

We'll see.  We'll see.

Busy...aren't I always?

Man.  I had a day recently (like, two days ago or so) where I was just...BUSY, man!  Finished up readin' The Missing Link (A Beer For The Shower wrote it~!) and wrote a review for 'em.  Then I beta read for a fellow indie author, reviewed it up for her. :D

THEN I finished editing and posted Taboo 3, which I was already ridin' high from postin' Taboo 2.  I formatted Taboo 1, set it aside and just....

Suffice it to say, I got a ton of stuff done that day.

I dunno...maybe I shouldn't feel this satisfied?  Especially considering that it's just...there, y'know?  Not really goin' anywhere.

Certainly haven't made a single sale or been seen, or...I dunno.

Gah.  When in doubt, either hit something, hurt someone, or write~!

Reckon I'll write.

Reviews, Beta Readers, Interviews, and Blog Tours

SO.  I'm available for all of the above, could use all of the above, and will happily involve myself with any of 'em.

...god, I'm freakin' shameless. =T3T=

Stress

Y'know, the subject of stress came up recently.  What sucks horrendous amounts of balls is that I honestly need at least a little bit of stress in my life to be good.

It's nice to know I can handle stress better than some, apparently better than most.  Hell, my marketing woes and publishing adventure is piggybacking on top of a failed campaign to get a new job.  It's like my entire life, when it comes to stress, is completely based on that song for Rybeck (In WWE, y'know?).

FEED.  ME.  MORE.

And that sucks, hard.

Why couldn't I roll up, I dunno...wealth starter?  More charisma?  Less violent tendencies?  Naturally a magnet for views/people?  Get a job that DOESN'T have to do with the light industrial sector?!

Ugh.  Instead I got the strange ability to get back up after being knocked down.

In b4 people trying to tell me that's "admirable," yer right up there with people telling me I have "so much potential."

I know you mean well.

I'm still going to shove my admirable potential right down your fuckin' throat.

UGH!  Y'know, this post started out pretty peppy, but as I went down it I suddenly got depressed. :/

I'd normally apologize for such a thing, but I just can't be moved enough to do that.  It doesn't help that I keep thinking of my lovelies, neither of which I can be with right now...and that suuuuuuucks.  So freakin' hard.

Anyway, enough listening to a grown man spout.  Let's focus on somethin' more positive, hmmm?

TABOO 1, 2, AND 3, CURRENTLY UP!  Go read it, go like it, go talk about it. :D  Besides, Taboo 1'll be taken down once the edited, perfected version is up for sale so now's the time to read it for free while ya still can~!

The Generalist - Taboo 1: Where's the Beef?!
(Note: THIS WILL BE TAKEN DOWN AS SOON AS IT GOES UP FOR SALE!  READ IT FOR FREE UNEDITED WHILE YOU CAN~! :D )
Round 1 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef.html
Round 2 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef-part-2.html
Round 3 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef-part-3.html
Round 4 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef-part-4.html
Round 5 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef-part-5.html
Final Round - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef-part-6.html

****

The Generalist – Taboo 2: Magic and Mayhem (Part 1 of The Mayhem Arc)
Round 1 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem.html
Round 2 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_10.html
Round 3 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_9137.html
Round 4 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_1357.html
Final Round - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-2-magic-and-mayhem_8653.html


****

The Generalist – Taboo 3: Misfits and Mayhem (Part 2 of The Mayhem Arc)

Round 1 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and.html
Round 2 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_11.html
Round 3 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_6535.html
Round 4 - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_675.html
Final Round - http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/10/the-generalist-taboo-3-misfits-and_6355.html

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - I blame my moroseness (yes, that's a word if I just made it up) entirely on the fact that I'm watching Girls Bravo and have no one to snugglemolest whilst doing so.

Yes, it's a thing if I made it up.

Friday, September 28, 2012

....featured links, updates, marketing, exhaustion and more~!

Featured Link

So, it just dawned on me that one of those old-school (for me, lol) blogs I've been followin' for some time and interacted with, I've completely ignored showin' love for!

So hell, this one's for you, Zedd!

When it comes to the factions of the internet (Pirates versus Ninjas, Geeks versus Jocks, Everyone versus Ponyfags, Aspergers versus Assburgers, Autismals versus...well, you get the point), I'm staunchly Survivor.  Humans versus Zombies?  We will win, because in the apocalypse that comes the zombies will have created their own demise: the Survivor, barely hanging on and determined to outlive, outlast, and outshoot everyone else.

On the other hand, Zedd has also enabled me to consider things from the Zombies' point of view, the pathos that lays behind their pathetic plight.

And, let's just face it, they're freakin' awesome.

So yeah, this is where I go for my daily dose of global Zombie news~!  Plus I was buying advertising space from him for, like, three or six months lol...

Zombies Everywhere!
http://www.zombieseverywhere.org/

Tell 'im That Bastard sent ya for 55% more graaarrrrghgahghaaaaargh...

Publishin'~!

So, I've finally taken the first step towards gettin' published...by publishin' m'damn self.  I'm still going to send out query letters, but this way appeals to the blogger in me which, let's face it, LOVES bloggin' and writin' in general.  So, suffice it to say this is just feakin' cool for me...especially when I finally brutishly bashed my way through the Meatgrinder, the formatting program over at Smashwords that ensures all submissions follow their guidelines.

Anyway, dig it y'all -

The Generalist - Taboo 0: Cliché of Memories,

Amazong ($2.99, should be $1.50 soon)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Generalist-Clich%C3%A9-Memories-ebook/dp/B009F7K5U4
ASIN: B009F7K5U4

Smashwords ($1.50 right the hell now!)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/239832
ISBN: 9781301520411

So let's say you ain't got a buck-fiddy, right?  Well then you can always read the unedited, raw versions over at The Pen Is My Sword (http://www.thepenismysword.com), and STILL write up a review, fave it, like it, and rate it over at Amazon~!  And, even better than all that?  Hook a brotha up and retweet my twitter posts to yer twitter and faecbawks friends!  Spread the link and the prices around, hook me up a little bit here.

Just gotta get the message out to those who enjoy urban fantasy literature, y'knowwhatImean?

Marketing Blues

Yeah, y'know...I have a baaaad history with marketing.  I can't even advertise properly for my damn blogs, let alone for a book. =@3@= For some reason though, I just feel like this novella series is somehow gonna snag more attention than my "LOOK AT ME!" attention whore advertising.  I dunno.

Still, maaaaaaan...I am just freakin' exhausted from this week.  If I'm not lookin' for a job then I was smashing my skull against Meatgrinder.  If it wasn't that, I was taking care of bullshit with Amazong, which STILL hasn't caught up with my price change.  It STILL says I'm sellin' it at $2.99, and I won't raise the price until Taboo 1 drops next week.

Bah, I might keep it at 1.50 if they're gonna take their time like this.

Anyway, I'm racking my brains and lookin' around, seein' what I can do.  There's Fiverr.com, but I don't quite see how I can sell a $1.50 novella over there for $5.  There's Craigslist, but they won't let me pop a direct link there...and I don't see how I can get around it.  Perhaps prepare a reading event of some sort?  Share the blog and Amazon link that way?

I'm also going to be contacting a coupla local celebrities, see if I can snag some free advertisement space and a nod to their followship.  We'll see.

Ultimately though, I'm gettin' caught up on blogosphere bidness then it's back to finishing Taboo 2~!  I'm actually almost done with it, and once I've edited it slightly I'll post it up at The Pen, of course. :D  You guys will lemme know what you think, won't you?

Bachelor Chow

Y'know, another thing we're gonna publish is the Bachelor Chow book.  Literally, a Hooligans guide to cookin'~!  Speakin' of which, have I done this yet?

Breakfast Potato~!

It's simple, really.  Here's the list:

A potato
Butter
Sour cream
Chives
Two eggs
Two strips of low sodium bacon
Shredded cheddar cheese/a dollop of neuschtafel cream cheese

Well there you go!  Bake the potato (let's face it, yer gonna microwave it) and cook the bacon.  Slather butter and bacon into the baked and cut potato (or if yer feelin' greasy, forgo the butter and just use some of the bacon grease), cook the eggs in the delicious grease left behind by the bacon.

Add the eggs, top with cheese, sour cream, chives, more cheese.  I prefer that lowfat cream cheese (neuschtafel, lol...what a freakin' word.  Neuschtafel.  Neuf cheese.  Newfies?), but hey go with whatevers.

This can be a pretty quick way of goin' about it, and is basically the breakfast sandwich...sans bread, add potato though.  For those on a SEVERE budget, it may help though since a five pound of potatoes can sometimes last ya longer than several loaves of bread.

Give it a try, you might like it~!


I Have So Many NAAAAAMES....

Jesus christ, I think I'm on the verge of schizophrenic multiple personality disorder. D:

Lessee....

That Bastard: my bloggin' and chattin' name, what everyone refers to me as eventually
Thomas Duder: my pen name and faecbawks name, what I sometimes go as
Malice: I'm officially changing my model name to this.  Let's see how many anger-related shots I can pull off!  As is this is my gaming name, and the games I play - they knooooow me as this, y'know?  Like they get all strangely offended to find out my other names/real name. D:
J: What I'm known by just about everyone elsewhere, in real life.  Hell, even my parents refer to me to my nieces and nephew as "Uncle J."

So yeah, there's also cross-permutations where I've been called other names for different purposes in real life.  Either way, I'm startin' to develop a freakin' issue about it!

Thankfully my parents and beloveds keep me grounded. =@3@=  No, seriously, it sometimes sounds so alien when someone calls me by my real name nowadays, lol.

The usual request. :D

Well.  You oughta be used to this.  Don't think I didn't notice no one spoke up and commented in the last post~! =@3@;;= It's okay, I forgive you.

So.  Instead of punishment, how about I ask for your help?  As always, retweet my tweets, reposts my facebook statuses concerning my blog posts and The Generalist~!

Do a brotha a favor, I seem to have an issue being seen. D:

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: : /ThatBastardFromBellingham (thatbastardfb@gmail.com)
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder
TUMBLR: http://thatbastardfrombellingham.tumblr.com/
YOUTUBE: http://www.youtube.com/user/JDWForever

Yes I have a tumblr.  Point them to here (http://on.thepenismysword.com) or The Pen itself (http://www.thepenismysword.com) and it's alll good.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - didja realize there's someone else who calls their blog The Pen Is My Sword...but the URL is just The Pen Sword?  She ALSO published a book through Kindle Direct Publishing!

The last post is last year.  Too bad...probably would've been some interesting drama as we blogwarred against each other.  Thankfully I've been at this blog title since before hers, but stilllll...would've been fun. :D

Oh well...here's to missed opportunities~!

P.P.S. - Saaaaaaay....do YOU wanna interview me?  Hit me up, we'll do a link exchange or somethin'. :D  Interview for an interview, eh?  Sure I'm already doing the Featured Link, but heeeey...sometimes other peoples' words are good too. :3

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

DIDJA SEE?!



Yeap.  It's happened.  I'm sellin' The Generalist - Taboo 0: Cliché of Memories over at Amazong right the hell now~!  All 44 pages with as complete an editing job as I can muster, a bit more content (to patch up some of the holes I purposefully left in when I posted it here~!), and also with this snazzy cover done by none other than Jade herself over at Jaded Shots (http://jadedshots.blogspot.com)!

So the current edition of Taboo 0 is kinda...eh, well not WONKY, but I'm reformatting it for Smashwords (so you Nook readers and fellow Barnes and Noble whores can snag it up~!) and will be moving the Authors' Notes to the back.  That and a major relevation: it's currently up for $2.99, which is outrageous since I wasn't going to raise the price until Taboo 1 is released~!  It SHOULD be at the wonderfully low price of $1.50, but bah...fucking Amazong is dragging their feet.

Still, I'm as excited as it gets and am more than willin' to spread this around!  Let yer friends know, tell yer folks, scream it to the goddamn hills.

The Man In Black is slingin' dem books.

Retweet mah tweets, repost dem posts, spread that link around!  OR you can search me on Amazon simply by typing in "Thomas Duder" or "Thomas Duder The Generalist" at the Amazong search bar~!

I'd suggest waiting 'til the price drops to $1.50, but hey - if you've already read it here and like what you've read, go ahead and gimme some stars and a review!  If you can't afford the buck fiddy, an honest review and star will help me out tremendously anyway. :D

Buy the e-book as a cheap gift for your loved one!  Hell, buy a Kindle and pre-load it with this puppy before putting it in their stocking stuffer!

Do what you do, mah peoples, and spread it around~!

Sincerely,

~Thomas Duder

P.S. - Say, you on the KDP Forums?  I've been recently stomping around over at that unmoderated trolls' paradise and havin' a ball!  There's some genuinely sensitive souls there, and people who genuinely are looking to expand their marketing networks and establish new contacts as well as learning tips and tricks of marketing and self-publishing.

Then there's people like me, and those are the one's I've been jukin' around with. :D

So if yer already there, gimme a holler at "thomasduder" yeah?

Monday, September 3, 2012

...on keepin' up, on gettin' back, on bein' here~!

Featured Link

Ohhhhh baby, things have just been busy, haven't they?  Well, let's get started by introducing a new Featured Link, eh?  Well, y'know where I go for some seriously high-falutin', awesome movies in a cinemablog?

No, not Beasts In Human Skin, I already covered that low-browed blog full of blood, babes, and totally rawkin' bewbage.  No, I'm talkin' about his polar opposite in which-brow-is-which cinematography.  Besides, Banacek covers grindhouse and exploitation films.

No, I'm talkin' about the man and blog who put me onto Ingmar Bergman's "Persona," a wonderful movie you can find on Netflix nonetheless!  I'm talkin' about the man who digs David Lynch  movies and the occasional "stupid humor" movie.

I'm talkn' about the Film Geek Bastard over at "A Girl And A Gun: A Cinematic Blog."

No, seriously, there's a reason why whenever I'm in the mood for some serious cinematic and historical relevance, I come to THIS guy!  With an ongoing list of the truly "great" movies and their relevance to cinema history, not to mention a covering of his favorite movies out there (I STILL gotta see Blue Velvet and Lost Highway!  DAMN YOU NETFLIIIIIX!), ol' F.G. does a great job postin' up the kinda stuff you want to watch when you want to pull out your film geek card at a casual dining experience.

"Well, you COULD say Lost Highway was a metaphor for a man going through Purgatory towards Hell, but you've obviously never seen Sleepless in Seattle!"

Hey, fuck you, Sleepless in Seattle sucked.  If you want to watch a real Billy Crystal movie, go watch Forget Paris or City Slickers.

Even City Slickers II: Legend of Curly.

A Girl And A Gun: A Cinematic Blog
http://filmgeekbastard.blogspot.com/

Tell 'im That Bastard sent you and you'll probably get 36% more of...well, nothing.  I'd be surprised if the guy even remembers me, I've been on and off the blog scene so many times. >XD

Recent Writing Stuff

I really should be talking about the work I'm doing on Taboo 2, which shortly after I'll start seeking in earnest for an agent and a publisher.  More query letters time (I only got, like, two responses back from the initial three I sent...both negative, but still filled me with optimism!), but at least I'll have a larger package to show off rather than just the two novellas and the poetry (hurr hurr hurr, larger package).  Altogether, I've posted some new stuff over at The Pen Is My Sword and if you haven't read it...well, you're a jerk.  Go read it.  It's good. <3

In the meantime, you wanna see how I start off the ideas for scripts/lyrics/literature?  Check this out, fresh out of my head in a recent 3 a.m. foray at work, shared with like five other people who thought it was an amazingly awesome B-rated idea.

Prepare to love me, and realize I have two other movie ideas featuring ninjas that are pretty much like this.

--------------------------------------------------

Boltcutters Versus Chainsaw: The Movie

An alien organism takes over a small city/town, turning the people into chaotic, violent, cannibalistic nightmares.  Basically turns it into a lawless town that lives to cause havoc and war on other cities.  As the disease spreads, many do the damndest just not to get caught.

Their leader is a man who calls himself Jagi Zero One, a man invulnerable to bullets and wields a massive chainsaw that can split cars in half with a single swipe, supposedly made from the bones of the aliens' previous body itself.

Enter a traveling Winnebago and a seemingly homeless man, dressed in rags and coats, who reveals himself to be an intergalactic bounty hunter (Noman A. Tall, a.k.a. - DARZURB the Bounty Hunter) who came after the alien criminal who crash-landed on this planet.  Armed with powerful martial arts and a gizmo-laden pair of bolt cutters, he savages his way through the entire city, defeating each mini-boss and diving further past the barricades until the epic, climactic battle between himself and his ultimate goal: Jagi.

In a no holds-barred drag-out, knuckles-bared, balls-to-the-wall slobberknocker will the fate of the world be decided as Jagi unleashes his chainsaw against Noman's bolt cutters!

"I've seen all your tricks, Jagi, and I want to finally reveal my best one to you.  You see, I don't have one bolt cutter...I have had TWO this entire time!!!!"

"My name?  My name is Noman.  Noman A. Tall." >chuckles<
"Why are you laughing?"
"No..uh, no reason.  Why?  Why are YOU laughing?"

(a.k.a. Hobo With A Shotgun versus Fist Of The North Star versus Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome versus Escape from Whatever/LA/New York)

--------------------------------------------------

Now by the time I've gotten around to actually writing this up, I'd've come up with waaaaay better backstory, some more interesting side characters for DARZURB (yes, all caps all the time) to run across and interact with, actually plotting out the gadgetry and mechanical bullshit for his bolt cutters, and (naturally) the combat scenes that comprise the majority of this movie/series/whatever.

And THAT is the little peek inside my brain, how most of my bullshit starts. :D  Admittedly this is waaaay bare bones, but you get the picture - usually I'll have a skeletal structure that is major scene by scene/chapter by chapter and actually plot out what I'm going to do, but I've got more than a few ideas that start off just like this.  Plus this is a B-rated action movie idea.

Sometimes, you NEED it to be intentionally bad and grindhouse-y.  Blood, boobs, and beatdowns aplenty.  Plus you never realize how awesome a tool a pair of bolt cutters are until you hold onto a pair that are larger than your arms, slung against your shoulder and you start making special attacks with 'em.

If you dug this, I might post up the other two B-rated movie snipped ideas I had over at Pen, but I figured meh, why not post 'em here first?  We'll see.  Lemme know what ya think~!

Roll Call!

Some of my regular readers may not know I'm back.  Let's try something different - in the comment section proclaim that you are here and if you are willing to spread the gospel that is my bullshit!  Think you can pass me around on the Faecbawks and Twitter scene like a gangster lean?

I'd be ever so grateful if you did!

Rage of Bahamut and Abusing My Twitter Feed

So yeah, I think I've already explained why I abuse both my Twitter and my Faecbawks for free cards and riches on Rage of Bahamut.  I mean, why not so long as the offer is still there, right?

Well, now the good people of Cygames/Mobage have instituted an absolute ban on all trading until...well, they haven't actually TOLD us when.  So yeah, I'm lookin' pretty hard at the whole tweeting every day thing and even if it IS automatically generated, I realize I'm kinda annoyed at them for this whole trading issue.  I mean, trading (and the Marketplace over at the unofficial forums) are a kinda metagame for me, one that's actually getting me interested in Poker and the stock market again.

So yeah, I'm kinda annoyed...no pissed...at them for taking away such a vital piece of the game, even if it's for a limited time, and without notification of when we're gonna get it back at that.

No, what do they do?  A log-in bonus stamp game that will reward everyone with an upgraded version of Angel Queen and a practically useless Secret Rare that will probably be worth only 1 holy powder (the common trading currency) since EVERYONE will have one.

Yet despite all this I became the leader of an Order, established the wikipedia and forums for 'em, and all seems to have gone smooth with the merger of another Order to create: Grim Rock.

Fun times, fun times..I'd invite you guys, 'cept we're all completely full.  Like I had to butcher inactives and still we needed one person to leave just so we can ensure a single slot is open for just in case measures.

Still, if you fancy playin' I've written a few articles that might make it a bit easier on ya in what you decide to do with the game, and there's plenty of material already at the unofficial forums on gettn' started, what all three realms are like currently, and other fun tidbits.

And naturally I wrote up a parody guide on how to deal with the Marketplace and the cutthroats and scammers that infest the woodwork.

No, seriously, if you can learn how to get around them and the "lowballers," the Marketplace is a fun metagame of sorts, with plenty of trading going down all around the clock.

...normally.  ::sighs::

Party Like A Rock Star

So a friend and photographer of mine, Jazz of Tilted Canvas Productions (http://www.facebook.com/tiltedcanvasproductions), just had her birthday recently and guess who got invited to go bar crawlin' and club hoppin'?

Yeap.  Yers truly, alongside the lovely and talented Vorel Kethend of Modeling In The Rain (http://modelingintherain.blogspot.com) and my co-model for several shoots.  Suffice it to say shit was aaaaawesome, and Vee actually covers it in somewhat detail (and with more pictures!) over at her blog.  G'wan over and say helloo, check it out, and see how we do what we do where we at.

Or somethin' like that, lol.

http://modelingintherain.blogspot.com/2012/09/happy-birthday-bar-hopping.html to see some of the pictures. :D

Work, work, work and the daily grind

Despite the recent clubbin' and what-not, yeah...it's just been nothin' but work.  I've mentioned it here before, even ranted a bit in the previous post, and ohhhhh boy.  Despite all that, I've been offered a job there.

Like, seriously: the boss just walked on up, gave me and another worker "The Talk," asked if we wanted to work there, the company willing to even work with both of us if we go back to school.

So yeah, there's that.

Now, here's the thing...beforehand, I probably would've point-blank considered this a no-go, but the thing is...there's these manufactured houses I've been lookin' at that are pretty much 29 grand, and a 12-grand one in Ferndale that's got this humongous corner-style bathtub.  And a job that's willing to work around college hours...I dunno.

I simply don't know.

Honestly it all depends on if the boss in question uses my photos and makes a compelling presentation enough to gets things shaken up over there, 'cuz the way it stands right now I'll accept the job but I certainly won't be settled while I"m there.  If anything I'll only make myself a bigger nuisance, a bigger thorn in day shifts' side, y'knowwhatImean?

At least if the boss gets the trio dealt with, I can accept the job and just move on with my life as normal.  School, modeling, writing, blogging, working.  Finally get a balance in all things.

I mean, it's not much to ask for, is it?

...is it?

Well.  That's all for now.  I continue to plug away at Taboo 2 with the full intention and ability to finish it, if only I can keep up the energy and momentum of a daily pattern that ISN'T going to kill me. D:

We'll see, we'll see.

Sincerely,

That Bastard

P.S. - One last thing.  Y'know what annoys me?  Whenever someone hands me a card or points me to a place with, like, ten or twenty different blogs or websites on it, I immediately know A) which one's the main one and B) what the network is like, if it's good and stable or not if it's the kinda bullshit that just leads you to adverts and pop-unders.

So what annoys me?  When I hand my card to someone and they can immediately spot one or two sites that can take you to all nine...and instead choose to ignore 'em all 'cuz it's too hard to go to even one.

I mean I had to hear 'bout this!  Am I honestly the one who gets this kind of thing, I mean there are plenty of others with multiple sites on a card and THEY never get crosstalk about it.

Maybe I'm just fated to be the only guy with multiple sites who gets that kinda talkin', I dunno...I'm not complainin' 'bout it, it's just...I gotta share it with SOMEONE, y'know?

If I can't share it with you guys, who can I share it with?

Except for you.  Yeah, you.  Over there.

I fucking loathe you so very fucking much, you have no idea.

P.P.S. - If you ain't sharin' my blog with yer friends, retweeting mah tweets, or sharing my facebook statuses then why ain't ya?  I've got it plastered all over the place!

Okay, okay, let's do this again:

The Pen Is My Sword (full of poetry, lyrics, novella series The Generalist and my game writing for Extreme Existence: Battleworld)
http://www.thepenismysword.com

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio (lol, my "radio" blog featuring video-game review podcasts of The Hooligans)
http://www.kaosparty.com

The Hooligans @ Nerf All The Things! (the things The Hooligans do outside of the show, like modelling, photo shoots, and more~!)
http://www.nerfallthethings.com

Twitter: @thatbastardfb
Youtube (sound bytes, voice acting, personal podcasts, and more!): /jdwforever
Faecbawks: /thatbastardfrombellingham

Funny story, that's the stuff I've got up on the articles at the unofficial Rage of Bahamut forums, lol...

Friday, August 24, 2012

This No-Good, Horribad, Clusternutfuck Of A Motherfuckin' Day

OHHHHHH baby.  I don't even know where to begin with on all the updates and such...

Well, let's start with this: within the month I'll be able to be active again.  There's that much.

But ugh, oh man...my current daily pattern is killing me.  Like seriously physically killing me.

Gah, let's start from the get-go, yeah?  And dispense with my usual format at that, things are that bad for me.  Not, like, SUPER bad, just bad fucking enough that my Rage Trigger has been consistently molested throughout the day.

So, where to begin?  Some of you may remember from my previous post of where I'm workin' at.  I'm here to tell you, things have only gotten worse.  Now, while things are going BACK to a "normal" three-on, four-on work schedule (one week I'll have three 12 hour shifts, the next week four) as of this week, things have only gotten worse with the night shift having to babysit and cover the lazy fucktards at day shift.  We cover the numbers, we clean up the place after they leave, emptying out hoppers, I mean...the list goes on and on.  On the plus side, I've been put to some spy work and was able to take pictures that will be delivered to the supervisors who will hopefully do something with them.

Because it's not day shift inexactly, they practically have an entire crew of new people now, people whom WE have to pull double duty and train and teach the cleaning/running method of taking care of the goddamn machines.  No, the problem lays completely in their leads and tenure people.  Basically, motherfuckers who've been here for, like, ten years and have come upon the idea that they're so untouchable that they can get away with anything they want.

Hopefully the pictures I've taken (including more than a couple of safety violations) will soon change their minds.  I only hope I get a chance to get in their fucking faces and let them know that it was I, That Bastard, who drove the dagger into their skulls and twisted the blade.  I want them to KNOW I was the motherfucker who made waves, who didn't bow down and just bare throat like everyone else who came across this problem, and oh yes that is what's happened my friends.  I've been warned more than twice to just "deal with it" like "everyone else," and the problem is that A) I'm me, and B) they asked me to return despite my own warnings to them of how I am, and how I simply cannot accept this.

Either they will get rid of me (and who knows, they just might if they figure this blog out) or they will bend to my will on this subject.

And trust me, my friends, my will is FAR greater than this trio of lazy-assed fucktartlets.  Either I'll be asked to never return or there will be new leads on day shift, barring that the leads on day shift shall be thoroughly chastised, demoted, humiliated and held up as an example of ineffective, inefficient work.

By now y'all oughta know, I hold a grudge until I die.  This doesn't make me petty, it makes you a target.

Anyway, there's that.  By the time I come home I'm lucky if I have enough energy to cook dinner, let alone do any typing.

And that, my friends, is a problem with me.

Y'see, I like to write.  I live to write.  One could even say that if I had a true love that wasn't human or tangible, it'd be the written word.

Or shouting.  I am a loud person, and just LUUUURVE to shout.

But yeah, I've never been happier in my life than when I'm writing, and I actually look back at writing these blogs with a sincere fondness, for all that I didn't have many readers...but the ones I got are true-blue and still keep up with me today, y'knowwhatImean?

But I miss having a heavy metal band.  I miss writing these blogs.  I miss having the energy to write two novellas a month.

And now I gotta get that back.

And that's part of what's grippin' my gonads today, y'know?  Firstus, I awoke on the severely wrong side of the couch.  As of late my right eye has been completely red (either eye strain or some constant irritation, no one seems to know - it's not pink eye and it's not iritis, I know that much for certain), and it only lessens when I use the Visine.

So yeah, I wake up pissed.  Like, freaked out my homeboy pissed.  Tangibly angry.

And this was after about an hour or two of being aware of my surroundings (not awake, just aware) and hearing every goddamn thing Vorel, Zen, and all of 'em talking and carrying on.  This isn't a bad thing, and Gods know I'd usually just wake up and gladly join in...but for whatever reason, upon hearing them knock on the door I was just in one massive Rage Trigger mode.

So I, instead, opted to stay quiet and feign sleep.  I sometimes mumbled at Vee, but otherwise I "slept."  Until a cell phone rang.

It was strange, realizing that people were scrambling for that phone in order to not "awaken" me, and even hearing Vee at one point in time call out, "Get the phone, it'll wake up J!"

But I still awakened angry enough for it to be tangible.  And that wrath remained until a clear three hours later, and has only been banked since then, threatening to spark up at the dumbest reason or least excuse.

And that's the worst part about it, my friends.  There have been SO many dumb reasons to get mad today!

I mean, y'all already oughta know I'm a rager.  I do have my anger issues, for all that they're under control, but my God today has been a test of my limits!  Idiot Canadians on the road (GO HOOOOME!), idiots in the shopping lines, bad food from a deli (Safeway, how can you NOT make awesome chicken strips?  How could you do this to me?! =TDT= ), the car I recently bought OH GOD POPS.

So.  My 1992 Oldsmobile 88 Royale LS.  Pops.  Got 'im for 500 bucks, paid 227 for a new windshield, 80 bucks tabs and title, 'roundabout 200 bucks for a badassed tuneup with a friend of mine, god knows how much I've had to pay in gas since getting him...

And now the radiator has a freakin' crack in it (on top of one of the main hose things on the sides) that is constantly leaking steam, and so the fluid needs to be topped, and the transmission is practically dead.

The radiator?  103 bucks and some change, free shipping and my homeboy can replace it for ten bucks or so.

The tranny?  2200 to 2400 AGUHGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUH!!!!!!

...so yeah.  That one.  I've called a coupla specialists, and they both agree - if it ends up being the transmission fluid needs to be flushed and replaced, or there is debris in the pan (thus needing a fush anyway, or somethin') then the resultant fixes are STILL cheaper than a full tranny rebuild.

I don't know, friends, I just don't know.

So.  Yes.  On top of all this a ladyfriend of mine who has been in and out of a coma apparently had her throat slit by her younger brother and is back in an unconscious state.

I'll let that sink in for a bit.  Why haven't I killed him myself, you ask?  Because they're both in Hawaii, where I simply don't have the money to go finish this shit.

So yes.  Yesssss.  Today is just a fucking bad day.

On the plus side, my daily pattern is going to change soon.  My daily pattern is GOING to change soon, godammit~!  It has to.

Because I need to write again.  While it does feel like I've gotten stronger, it's not the kind of strength that I need right now - 12 hours of calisthenics and machine wrestling is all good for the musculature, but I don't mind small gains using the Handjobber 5000, free weights, the Perfect Pushups and the ab roller.  Not to mention I'm able to somewhat run again, which I need to have the energy to do so once more.

No, I need to write again.  I need to move out and get my own place.  I need a job that's actually IN Bellingham, due to gas reasons alone if not my car on the verge of dying all the goddamn time.

Things are going to change, and I'll be able to write here again on the normal, twice a week like I used ta.

You can take THAT to the motherfuckin' bank!

So.  There ya go.  I'll post up some other stuff, recently did the Burlesque photo shoot as one of the Johns, so that'll go up at Nerf All The Things, and I've got some podcast stuff to post up soon from there as well.  We've actually got a review for The Hooligans, but we gotta re-do the damn thing: apparently half of it wasn't recorded as video.  Ungh.

Altogether, just gonna get back to the path and get on with the gettin' on.  Because this current pattern is NOT one that is allowing me to heal and grow stronger.

And I simply cannot allow that.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - Also, Shittychat.  Also, disco shoes.

Also, dicks.

P.P.S. - Oh man, I am THAT off my feed.  You oughta know I'm halfway done with Taboo 2.  I haven't forgotten Battleworld, nor the rebuild of Anubis Unit.  If you haven't yet you can follow me at Twitter with @thatbastardfb, at Faecbawks with /thatbastardfrombellingham, and I don't even remember what my Googles+ is for again.

My usual sites are:

The Pen Is My Sword
http://www.thepenismysword.com

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio
http://www.kaosparty.com

Nerf All The Things!
http://www.nerfallthethings.com

Ugh.  Things will get better soon, kids.  Uncle Bastards' word on it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

UPDATE - 6/27/2012

Well, my hand isn't puffy and rigid anymore. :D

Suffice it to say, my new work schedule is just fuckin' killer.  The place I'm workin' at is fuckin' killer.  My legs are cramped, my hands are aching, my back is tense but unbowed.  I have cuts and bruises all over me, and I had to throw away a pair of black khakis because the knee area got tore the fuck up.

Altogether, I feel fuckin' AWESOME!

No, seriously, it's been awhile since I did regular factory work, especially at a factory as strenuous as this one.  What's worse is the timing: three twelve hour shifts, followed by four twelve hour shifts the next week.  This isn't a bad thing, not at all, except that it kills three to four days a week where I can't blog or type or anythin' except work...but it leaves three whole days to four whole days (alternating weeks you see) to do everything I'd want to while gaining a full weeks' (and then some) checks.

Altogether, it's what I need if I'm gonna be able to move into a place of my own, y'know?  And get the car fixed.

I've also got to bail on the "I Love The 80's" photo shoot I was going to be in this Saturday since that just popped outta nowhere (my normal sched is Sunday, Monday, Tuesday from 7 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. with every other Wednesday to boot), which is kinda weird 'cuz it looked like it would be two three-day weeks in a row.

On the other hand, this also means I'm gonna have somethin' like 20+ hours of pure overtime on next week's check.

Yeah.  I'm gonna go for that.

On the other hand, the other two photo shoots in August I'm still gonna go for it, and that's not counting the Grunge -INTIMIDATION- and The Bone Kings' Daughter II: Adversaries of the Grave shoots. In the meantime I'm still going to be whipping up Taboo 2 and Project: Boyfriend and postin' 'em up soon, and don't forget you old-skool readers of mine.

I haven't forgotten Battleworld, not by a long shot.  On the other hand, my muse is being a whirling bitch and all I can really think of nowadays (writing-wise) is The Generalist.

Bah.

THAT REMINDS ME, so I've received my first rejection letter.  Now one would think this would be a soul-crushing kinda thing (and I do remember feeling that soul-crushing numbness back when I was 15 and trying this same damn thing) would...well, crush my soul.

On the contrary, I feel a strange lightness within my heart, as if now that I've failed THIS once all other failures will be meaningless, like being wounded after you've already taken a wound.  After the shock of the first slash, so long as you keep your cool and control the shock you'll be fine even though you're still gettin' pounded on.

I'm just sayin', suddenly I don't feel anywhere near as nervous as I was when I first sent out query letters, and will be sending more out even as I write and post up The Generalist - Taboo 2: Magic, Misfits and Mayhem.

On a further note, Ace (http://dangercombo.blogspot.com) has gotten a far superior capture card than what I got and we'll be going with that for the upcoming opening of Season 1 of The Hooligans over at KAOS: Chaos Party Radio.  Jaded Shots officially opened up, y'know?  http://jadedshots.blogspot.com, go show some love and view more of the pics and bonus material from The Bone Kings' Daughter.  Vee's "Modeling in the Rain," found at http://modelingintherain.blogspot.com, also has some other bonus material and some new photos to go look at, not to mention her past photo shoots.  Last but not least, we still need subscribers over at http://www.youtube.com/thedamnhooligans in order to unlock the ability to post up our long-assed podcasts. :D

ANNNNNNNND as always don't forget to hit ME up at my usual spots:

The Pen Is My Sword
http://www.thepenismysword.com

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio
http://www.kaosparty.com

Nerf All The Things
http://www.nerfallthethings.com

No, seriously, eventually I'll know what the fuck I'm doing. :/

Love,

~That Bastard

P.S. - If you're the person who rejected me and you're reading this post, don't feel bad whatsoever.  In fact, I invite you to keep reading my blog and my updated stories and poems and such.

Hey, who knows, you might change yer mind. :D

Sunday, June 17, 2012

HEY HOW ABOUT IF I JUST COPYPASTED THE WHOLE BLOG INTO THE TITLE WAIT I DIDN'T DO THAT GEE THANKS BLOGGER!

Featured Link of the Day

The Blowoff is a wrestling blog about wrestling.  The various staff of the blog have pretty respectful and noteworthy track records as viewers of WWE and back when it was good, as WWF.

They're also the assholes who got me back into watching Smackdown.

Thus far they've been INCREDIBLY consistent in presenting articles damn near immediately after each show (at least by what I've seen, but I check up every other day for updates on my blogroll, or whenever my internuggets is good lol), and they're always insightful from their point of views as not only wrestling fans but wrestling commentary.

The fact that they KNOW the difference, let alone practice what they preach...shit, how can I NOT make them Featured Link, eh?

So yeah, go check out The Blowoff, let 'em know that That Bastard sent ya for an extra 37% Cobra Clutch.

Because fuck the current roster, Attitude Era 'til I fuckin' die or they bring it back godammit.

The Blowoff
http://theblowoffreview.blogspot.com

OH, on another note, it stars Mark from The Rambling Person over there!  How cool is that?  The dude doesn't even know I exist, lol. >XD  Kinda makes me feel like a stalker, but meh...whatevs.

Funny story, according to the Wiki (glossary of professional wrestling terms), a blowoff is...well, check this:


Blow off

    the final match in a feud.[1] While the involved wrestlers often move onto new feuds, sometimes it is the final match in the promotion for one or more of the wrestlers.[1]

Hey, screw you, I think that's cool.  Plus they made the B look like the W from WWF. :D

PROJECTS ACTUALLY DONE!


Well, not inexactly done, but hey not a bad month so to speak.

The Generalist, Taboo 0: Cliché of Memories
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories.html

The Generalist, Taboo 1: Where's the Beef?
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/06/generalist-taboo-1-wheres-beef.html

Funny story, these clock in each at over 20k words, which makes them officially novellas, right?  Well, I sent a query letter to a publishing company recently...with no idea how to write a query letter, thinking it was just a "hey there, hi there, ho there" kinda thing.

I then looked up query letters.  Suffice it to say, I'll be doing better ones once I send out more. X_x

The Bone Kings' Daughter
http://www.nerfallthethings.com/2012/06/bone-kings-daughter.html
Five pages plus credits and bonuses (extra sound bytes I didn't use in the actual presentation), not bad if'n you ask me.  Now we're gonna hafta work harder on The Bone Kings' Daughter II: Adversaries of the Grave.  More models, two fight sequences, and actual props not to mention multiple locations for the shoot.

THAT'S gonna be fun. :D


Return to Bachelor Chow: The Barbecued Pulled Pork Breakfast Sammich


So MaMTC (Me and My Thinking Cap) hit me up with a "you do recipes too?" kinda question...so I figured to bring back one of my personal faves that I just did today. :D  'Cuz when ya got leftovers, make yerself a sammich.

No, seriously, I've suggested Kirkland Signatures' Barbecued Pulled Pork before not only as a standalone thing but also as part of an incredibly delicious/fattening breakfast sammich.  Suffice it to say, you better git yer damn cardio up before considering this...I'm just sayin'.

I'm not inexactly the most athletic guy, but I'll be damned if I'm not gettin' my daily on. :3  Are youuuu?

So, ingredients...

Barbecued Pulled Pork (Kirkland Signature ftw)
Cream Cheese (Neuschtafel or whatever is what I used)
Butter/Margarine (Country Crock with Extra Calcium is what I used)
Texas Toast (two loaves of thick-cut love for a buck over at Grocery Outlet)
2 eggs
Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce/Fennel's BBQ Sauce

Shyup.  Butter the bread, then fry them suckers in the fryin' pan.  Use some Pam cooking spray or whatever and while that's canoodling, slap the pork into the pan and go about spreading the cream cheese on yer fried bread.

Once the pork is at a satisfactory temperature (you WERE stirrin' 'em around and flippin' 'em over, right?), place 'em over the cream cheese and cook the eggs in the resultant deliciousness that's left in the pan.  Add more butter or Pam or whatever have you before you do this, and cook 'em to your heart's content.  Me, I prefer 'em with LIIIIIIFE all over my face.

I also usually do it as one egg per toast, but whatever dude.

There ya go.  Place the egg on top of the delicious pork, top with the other bread slice, mash together slightly so the egg yolk mixes with the pork, and enjoy.  You can add more BBQ sauce (Sweet Baby Ray's or Fennel's, or whatever have you) if you want, but I find that too much BBQ sauce can kill a sammich and I already use too much sauce upon making the pork to begin with.

I don't even know how many calories this is, it's just fuckin' good.

PUT.  IT.  IN.  YOUR.  MOUTH.

Abusing my Tweets for e-cards

So yeaaaaaah, what do I do to unwind from a long day of being busy, before I go into a long night of being busy?  I've been playin' Rage of Bahamut.

Okay, y'all oughta remember I'm a huuuuuuge faggot for Yu-Gi-Oh!, Legend of the Five Rings, and Magic the Gathering.  Hell, I even got Pokeymanz cards somewhere in storage, y'know?  If you challenge me at it, I'll pick it up and play it.  If I like it, I may even buy more cards and trick a deck or three out to my strategic liking.  I'm almost damn near always beat down, but hey I like being subtle from time to time.

So.  Rage of Bahamut is an e-version of these battle cards and like many others you can either buy cards or just play the game and "quest" (it's not THAT challenging, just annoying because of the Stamina system) for more cards and to improve your level, but you can also enhance your main cards by feeding them other cards or evolving cards by combining them with like cards (Fighter with Fighter, Unicorn with Unicorn, Lamia with Lamia, etcetera etcetera), up to 4 stars of evolution.  This improves their stats, and you can feed these final forms to your main cards in order to give them an even bigger boost.

There's also treasure to collect, so it lends even stronger credence to the Battle system (PVP), your best Offensive deck versus their best Defensive deck.  Of course there's minor bugs and cheats, but overall it's been fun as fuck.

One of the ways to gain a particularly rare card (which is apparently an Enhancement monster, one used to feed to others and boost their stats a shitton) is to tweet every day.  You get monies and "Friendship Points" which you can use to get more cards, but honestly you want to do this 'cuz after ten days in a row of tweeting you'll snag that card.

Suffice it to say, that's exactly what I'm doing.

So a little bit of apologies to my Tweeter fans (lol, I'm a twitard apparently) to whom I've been twitting these automatically generated ads to.  But hey, you understand, right?

My e-card deck MUST be embiggened! D:<  And you bastards are going to help me!!!

Crappy Internuggets

I'm not knockin' my friends, but goddamn my crappy computer hates their crappy Internuggets.  This has created a singularity of crap that kinda leaves me out on a limb from time to time, especially on the weekends.

So yeaaaaaah, if you don't catch me online or at my usual spots and chat rooms, that's why. :3

Posting and Commentary


Now.  My posting schedule has come under fire before in the past, and I've always gladly pointed out that I usually post anywhere from two to three times a week with several of my blogs, twice on others.

Since starting The Generalist though, I've dropped to just about once per week.

So I reckon I'm kinda-sorta apologizing to you guys, the people who follow these blogs.  BUT, once I start writin', y'know...I just get oblivious to everything else.  I'm not making excuses, I'm just explaining why my blogposting and commentary have really blown donkey balls as of late.

So yeaaaaaah...for what it's worth, I really do appreciate you guys readin' my stuff, whether it be via the blogs or The Generalist or whatever have you.  Just...thanks for puttin' up with me, guys.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

Friday, June 8, 2012

...oh, just stuff in general. :3

Featured Link

Oh, I don't know...who the hell gets to be the Featured Link now?

Um...I guess this guy.  Yeah.  You.

Naw, screw you, I'll make Berc the new Featured Link. :D

So there's this guy, right?  Bersercules, the Berserk Herc.  Alongside Mark, the Rambling Person, he's done some pretty awesome video reviews, ESPECIALLY the Bibleman series where he really does show off his chops, y'know?  Both as a reviewer and a watcher of questionable movies. :D

As a viewer of said questionable material myself, he has my extreme respect for having the balls and sheer intestinal fortitude for actually WATCHING that Bibleman crap, let alone actually post up coherent and humorous reviews about 'em.

SO!  Go check out Berc at http://bersercules.blogspot.com and have a laugh or three!  Let him know that That Bastard sent ya for an additional 25% more youtubes, because let's be honest - you rarely go anywhere else nowadays, y'know?

I'll just say it now since I seem to forget quite a lot whenever I plan these Featured Links out a week or three beforehand - the next Featured Link is a wrestling blog I happen to go to, one that I happen to like a lot.  You can tell because I comment there quite a bit, almost always said comments are lengthy and girthy, plus the bastards got me back into watching WWE again.

I still say Brock Lesnar is a punk who wins because he gives the best blowjobs in the industry.  The dude has the body of a greek god, but the personality of a cardboard cutout.

Now David Otunga.  THAT nigga.  Christmas hams in each of his biceps, and they keep him on for the role of "Tool."

Yeaaaaaah, someone needs to get that brah a better script, godammit!

...where was I?  Oh yeah.  Bersercules.  Go say hello. :D

Writin', Pimpin', Dancin'

So as of late, that's pretty much all I've been doin'.  It seems like all I've had time for is tryin' to find a steady job, pimpin' out the blogs to anyone who wants a cool-looking card or wants to read 'em online, and dancing every Wednesday at the club Rumors (you'll find me there, I'm still wearin' all black and pretty much dancin' until my knee decides it's time to take a break).  At least, that's the pattern I was doing while writing Taboo 1.

Now that Taboo 1 is done, I'm going to take just a weeee bit of a break from The Generalist, do three short stories (honestly short this time) and package those up with the rest of Scream.  Then it's time to pimp 'em, pimp 'em HARD to whomever can buy and publish 'em. :3  It'll be my first time really doing this since I was 15 or so, and the industry HAS changed so much...but from what I've seen, it's also changed for the better in many ways.

We'll see, we'll see.

Still, I have things to write and blogs to update and what-not, not to mention the mixing and posting for Project: Boyfriend.  Just bein' busy and doin' what I can before I drop everything AGAIN for Taboo 2.

Which reminds me...

Er, My Apologies?

No, I really wanna apologize to you guys.  As stated before, I drop EVERYTHING when I write, and that last one (Taboo 1) was a pretty hard drop for a week and a half to two weeks.

So yeaaaaaah, I'm sorry. D:  I certainly can't say I won't do it again, but I'll at least warn ya when I do~!

Hooligan Stuffs

Hmmmm, have you been to www.nerfallthethings.com yet?  How about the newest KAOS: Chaos Party Radio post?  You subscribed to http://www.youtube.com/thedamnhooligans then?

Well what are you waiting for?  Go do it. :D  Go and be a happy cabbages.

A;ldfjaldjfalkgargle More Photo Shoot Stuffs

So after a minor miscommunication we're back on to postin' those photos from my birthday shoot, The Bone King's Daughter.

When they finally drop, and oh they WILL, I'll have 'em posted up over at nerfallthethings.com, but you can always check out the other two blogs that'll have 'em up too. :D

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT PART I GOT TO MODEL AS the Creature of Darkness, lollooloolol.

Bachelor Chow - The Drizzle Episode

So there's this place called Drizzle, right?  Awesome balsamic vinegars and extra virgin olive oils, each one infused with different organic ingredients and packaged in the loveliest bottles you've ever seen.

Well, here's somethin' for ya!  Y'all know how I'm about them hot links, right?  Gotta love me some hot links.

Well, I'm frying it up in a combination of wild mushroom and sage extra virgin olive oil and "italian herb seasoning," a spice blend from there.

Hooooleeeeee shiiiiit!

Fry up an egg into it and eat it like THAT, all breakfast sammich style, for a truly tongue-blowing experience.  I'm just sayin'...

Well, sorry for the short post (pffft), but hey I'm just gettin' back into the swing of things. :3

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

HAPPEE BAPHUDAI!!!!

I'm 32.  That's, like, 132 in internuggets years.  If you tell me I look good for my age I'll fuckin' kill you and defile your favorite family members.

So yeah, quick recap of how I spent MY birthday:

>I modeled for a photo shoot (CREATURE OF DARKNESSSSSS!), "The Bone King's Daughter."  Guess what part I was.
>Prepared narrations for a off-shoot, Pretty Tony the Wicked Wolf of the West Woods.
>Prepared narrations for this shoot and the sequel planned shoot (featuring Ace as the Black Knight nonetheless!)
>Had the most awesomest hash browns in the world
>Wrote a bunch of junk
>Updated a blog or two
>Played the vidyuh
>Got a new/used shirt and the omnibus of Azumanga Daioh (hey, don't look at me like that, it's fuckin' real kawaii uguu nigga)
>Hit back mah people over the internuggets
>FINALLY CONVERTED THE FILES AND GOT SOME EXTRA SPACE ON PODOMATIC expect a Hooligans post soon.
>As a final gift to myself, I'M RESETTING MY COMMENTARY TOMORROW so if I didn't catch ya in my recent wave of comments, BWAAAAHAHAHHAHAHA BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!

So yeah, not that bad.  Not, like, the BESTEST EVER, but y'know what?  It's all fuckin' good.

See ya on the dark side of the coon, Pocahantas!

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - Sorry 'bout the downtime on the blogs.  It's either blogs or writing, y'dig?  Taboo 1 is taking a small bit o' time, but I don't wanna rush this.  Fo' reals.  Besides, it's comin' along beautifully though~!  In fact, anyone up for an early read?  Hit me up at thatbastardfb@gmail and ask politely.  Otherwise, wait 'til the end of the fuckin' thing like anyone else.  Also, editing - if anyone is an editor and wants to a hook a brotha up, lemme know.

ORRRRR  you can go to http://www.youtube.com/thedamnhooligans and subscribe.  Will it get you the early read any faster?

No.  It has nothing to do with it, why you askin'?

Saturday, May 19, 2012

...a new bachelor chow, new featured link, more about The Generalist, more whining about projects, and more!

Featured Link

The Other Bellingham Jerk...I mean, The Yummy Bits.  Yeap, they're our new Featured Link of the post!  The Yummy Bits has hit the scene recently with a nice design and a passion and flair for the food they show off on the blog, going from restaurant to restaurant in the hopes of bringing you, the readers, their love of both cooking and delicious food, as well as finding you wonderful restaurants to head to while in Bellingham.

Sounds familiar?  SOUNDS FAMILIAR?!  IT SHOULD SOUND FAMILIAR.  IT SHOULD SO SOUND FAMILIAR.  IT SHOULD.

Unlike The Bellingham Jerk, which relies on negativity and excellent writing (i.e. "This shit sucks balls," or "I hate this place to fucking death, dude."), The Yummy Bits relies on awesome pictures of excellent food as well as descriptive writing.

Hell, TYB just hit up Goji Bistro, a fusion restaurant that combines multiple types of asian cuisine.  It's right near Whatcom Community College as well~!

So hit up The Yummy Bits over at: http://theyummybits.blogspot.com

Tell 'er that That Bastard sent ya for 100% more restaurant review blog posts.

BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUSLY AN ORIGINAL CONCEPT TO MAKE A RESTAURANT REVIEW BLOG ABOUT RESTAURANTS IN WHATCOM COUNTY, ISN'T IT?

TOTALLY.

And no, Jade, I will NOT stop that running gag.  You will never live this down.  Ever.

Just accept it.  Relax...and accept it.

<3

Pimpin' the Bidness


250 cards.  One hundred of them are with me, the other hundred are with Ace, and fifty of them are going to be sent out to various people across America that we happen to know.

Yeap.  Pimpin' pimpin'.

So.  Here we got a whole buncha cards and a whole coupla counties to paper with 'em.  Do YOU know someone in the Whatcom/Skagit County areas and want a few to share?  Hit a brotha up.

Do YOU want a few?  E-mail me yer address and I'll send ya five cards or somethin'. :D  Let's talk, yeah?  thatbastardfb@gmail.com is the name, bidness cards are the game.

Bachelor Chow

Would you like a plate of heart attack?  Because trust me, a plate of heart attack is JUST what you need~!

So, let's assemble our precious ingredients~!!

Buttery biscuits (4 per plate)
Butter/margarine with extra calcium
Eggs
Bacon
Sausage
Sausage Gravy (yeap, from the packet.  Or make it yourself, whatever)

So. Let's get started by cooking the bacon and sausage, preferrably in two different pans, otherwise it's suggested to figure out which is slowest for  you (sausage or bacon) and doin' that first.  I prefer link sausage, but ground sausage is cool too, I reckon.  While these are cookin', start oven-baking the biscuits.  More than likely it'll take 'em 15 minutes, and by then the bacon and sausage should be done too.

Upon this first wave of goodness bein' done, assemble your biscuits and butter.  Pour some of the deliciousness of the sausage and bacon fat into the sausage gravy as you prepare it now (or use it FOR the gravy), and don't forget to leave behind some of the drippings to fry up the eggs, y'know?

Assemble fully atop the buttered and buttery biscuits: gravvy, sausage, bacon, and eggs per biscuit.  Get English with it and slap some cut-up and fried up onions and cheese up in that mother.

There is probably nothing healthy about this.  But y'know what?  A haato attaku plate per year is NOT pushin' it, and just keep in mind yer cardio and yer fine.

Because fuck healthy people who can't stand delicious grease, that's why.

Youtuuuuubes!

I'm slowly getting the fifteen-minute compilations and best-ofs from our Podomatic one-hour posts up over at http://www.youtube.com/thedamnhooligans, y'know?  So head over and subscribe.

Once we've got over fifteen subscribers, they'll unlock our ability to post submissions that are longer than fifteen minutes...and need I point out that we eat up around an hour at a time?

It's an hour of fun though, each time, with plenty of fun and cursing and local guests and other nonsuch distaff.  Truth.

Guest Roastin' and Postin'

So, over at Me and My Thinking Cap (http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com) a challenge was laid down.  To roast her as she has never been roasted before.

For some reason, I picked up that challenge and...well, it's more like I ended up simmering her toes.

Okay, okay.  Y'all might be shocked that I of all people failed to really roast her, but come ON!  If a little Indian lady (who happens to run a blog I, y'know, LIKE!) steps up and pokes me in the side, the worst thing I'm gonna do is wave her off and say, "Quit it."

What, you want me to Ragecock out on someone like that?  I mean, I can't even build up a decent head of mad enough to get pissed at the commentary making fun of the "cookout" I turned the roast into...

But meh.  I can't win 'em all, and I gracefully bow and accept both compliments and taunts alike.

Who knows though, I might be able to get pissed off enough and just run with it, yeah?  :D  In the meantime, check it out and lemme know what you think - in the very least it's well written and funny~!

http://meandmythinkingcap.blogspot.com/2012/05/roast-of-mamtc-2-bfb-vs-cap.html

What's the worst part?  I honestly thought I was pretty mean in it, but apparently...yeah. >XD  Meh, maybe sometime I'll build up a big enough head fulla mad and just let loose or somethin', 'cept I might go racist as well...and that's never any fun, y'know?

Unless I mean to do it.  Then it's fuckin' excellent!

As is, ohhhh baby, the rape jokes. <3

The Generalist

Why yes, I'm workin' on Taboo 1, slowly though.  I've got other projects too, y'know?  Not in the least being these blogs.  At least I got nerfallthethings.com done though, and now it's just all about the natural process of uploadin' and makin' content.

Still, there's Extreme Existence: Battleworld and Project: Boyfriend and the rebuilding of Anubis Unit to look forward to, and I've been around all of Whatcom County paperin' the place and what-not.  Just bein' busy.  Then there's the whole gettin' the dishwasher job and movin' into this studio, I mean...I'm just BUSY, y'know?

Not that I'm makin' excuses, I'm just sayin'. <3

Anyway, here's Parts 1-5 of The Generalist - Taboo 0.  If you haven't read it, by all means go for it!  If you have, then by all means feel free to comment and share it with yer friends, whatever have ya.

Part 1
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories.html

Part 2
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories_06.html

Part 3
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories_1122.html

Part 4
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories_8902.html

Part 5
http://www.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-taboo-0-cliche-of-memories_1093.html

And while we're at it, check out the "The Generalist parts 1 and 2" posts I made over at Sooth(e) Your Freaking Beast to really get into the music as I see it while writing these.

Part 1 - http://sooth.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-post-part-1.html
Part 2 - http://sooth.thepenismysword.com/2012/05/generalist-post-part-dos.html

Wanna Backlinks?

So yeaaaaaaaaah, I need to establish more backlinks and just link to more places, I reckon.  Do you have a suggestion, or want to do a link exchange, or even ad exchange?  Hit a bruddah up at thatbastardfb@gmail.com, y'know? :D

If you happen to have any other suggestions, by all means go for it!  In the meantime, do please continue to share my tweets, post submissions, and faecbawks status updates to your hearts' content~!

Well, back to the grinding wheel.  Got plenty of promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep...or some shit like that.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard