Saturday, January 21, 2012

...bachelor chow, literary shiznits, Battleworld, surviving the elements.

On the Personal

So yeah, I've been living pretty rugged the past coupla days. Now, after visiting my parents they've actually got me using this as my tagline: "I LIVE IN A CABIN DEEP IN THE WOODS WHERE I'VE WRITTEN 37 MANIFESTOS AND AM ALSO STOCKPILING BOMBS FOR THE START OF THE REVOLUTION!!!!"

No, seriously, EVERY chance he'd get my dad would chime in about my tiny-assed cabin in the woods where I'm writing manifestos and building bombs. Then my MOM chimed in.

The last time I visited them I still hadn't undergone surgery for my fucked up knee yet and was still in an immobilizer, so THAT time it was all "Don't you dare do anything, we got this, don't you dare move from that couch you turtle!" I was then called turtle for the entire visit.

As is, yeaaaaah. I prefer this new Unibomber look with my parents rather than turtle. At least it denotes that I'm participating in SOME kind of activity, y'knowwhatImean?

Anyway, yeah. I hit the ground running pretty nice once I got back from California, but man I suddenly had to go headfirst into a wall known as Mother Nature. Just BAM, snowdrift and iced-up pipes. Winds blowing so cold and bitter that I'm stuck here. My heater doesn't work, my pipes are frozen so no water (except for what I trudge out from the laundry room, which thankfully was still running but even WITH my filters there's still that whole ew factor), plus I learned that since my door isn't on properly and there are huuuuge gaps between the door and the frame, I also had a wonderful bout of snowdrift comin' through into my cabin. So no heat, no real water except for what I'm bringin' in, cold as fuck outside (even THROUGH layers of clothes), my cabin simply lacks the ability to keep the outside outfreakingside, and the roads are completely fucked up, not to mention my car is a solid block of ice by now.

Game fucking on.

Suffice it to say, I survived. It SUCKS, but I survived.

Sure, others have survived such situations before, but this was on top of quite a bit more stress that I'm not going to point out here. Just suffice it to say, I survived. That's good enough for me, yo.

SO, with that stated, perhaps the next topic of conversation is up?

Music and Literary Shiznits

Yeaaaaaaah. I know some of you (Tracirz, I'm lookin' atcha) were screaming LOL GIMME DEMO, but to be quite honest it's been quite a hassle just to get a band together let alone practice. As I've complained about before in the past, we're having issues where we simply cannot record anything! All sortsa reasons, but no matter how you cut it all the shit just keeps droppin' on us the moment we get ready to put out product.

So. Sosososo. While I was out there in California, I made a contact (two, technically) with a particular record company. No promises, but my band is pretty much fired up to get some shit done. THAT, to me, is good news PLUS a friend of ours happens to have a recording situation all set up at his pad, including a set of e-drums so my drummer can lose his damn mind properly without waking up the neighbors. All we need is a raw cut of two covers (our punk versions of White Rabbit and Nights In White Satin, possibly Rocky Mountain Way) and a couple of our original songs.

Suffice it to say, these four can land us a full-blown record deal (with all the good and bad that goes with it), or just get us help with cuttin' that demo finally.

On a more personal side, I think I have enough poems now to actually compile 'em up, get some artwork done for it and put a book out. If so, badassed. Now comes the hard part: getting art for said book.

Now it should be easy if I can find a publishing company cool with their own brand of artists, y'know? BUT, I happen to have a few friends who are incredibly artistic already and one in mind definitely, to mind.

Anyway, I have some more stuff to post up so by all means, if'n you haven't checked it out already go read up at The Pen Is My Sword, you KNO-OOOOW!

Bachelor Chow

Shamelessly stolen from Sonics: the Outlaw Dog.

Angus Beef (lol) hot dogs
Hormel no beans chili
Medium cheddar cheese
Miracle Whip
ACTUAL freakin' hot dog buns
Onion rings
Sweet Baby Rays BBQ Sauce

Doesn't take nearly as long as it might seem to make and prepare, hell just start the onion rings a-bakin', cook up said bacon while the hot dogs and chili heats up, slather dat miracle whip on the buns, assemble cheeses, place dogs folowed by BBQ sauce, top with onion rings, slather with chilli, lovingly garnish with bacon.

Now far be it for me to perpetuate the stereotype of the "lolfat american," such as fat black people who sing/hum and maybe do a two-step shuffle while cooking....but I'll be goddamned if my palate didn't orgasm at the co-mingling of such delicious flavors.

Just...fuckin'...AWESOME! I don't care how highbrow, how haute your cuisine might be, from whatever georgian royalty stock you were bred from...if this shit don't scratch that itch, you don't deserve to call yourself human.

Put. This. In. Your. Mouth.

My Idea of Heaven

Y'wanna know what I think is heaven? What I honestly think is paradise?

Fuckin' Riverworld, that's what.

Okay, OKAY, okay, some of you have all sortsa religious and theistic "ideas' but let's face it: reincarnation has something going for it. If you don't believe me, read Job: A Comedy by Robert A. The Man Himself Goddamned Heinlein, and see if you view the idea of perfection the same way. When ALL houses are made of jewels and glass, when beauty is everyday and commonplace it loses its' luster.

Being humans as we are, we aren't MEANT to be around the almighty singing hosannahs all day, hell I'd kick the whole fucking lot of you right out of Heaven and right back into another world if I were God. After awhile, hearing the same hymns every day and the same bullshit everyday would drive me right the fuck nuts, and I WOULD deal harshly with y'all.

With THAT stated, the idea of simply hanging around perfection for a little while before being thrown back into the muck and chaos? That sounds right perfect to me.

Riverworld, originally a series of books by the wonderful Phillip Jose Farmer (didn't he do the Labryinth series? I think he did the Labyrinth series...I'll call m'mom, see what she says), is a world that is 100 times bigger than Earth. It's pretty much a giant pangeac mess criss-crossed by a giant river...just rivers EVERYWHERE. There are these geo-globes or whatever that, once per day, dispenses out to you food, drugs, and alcohol - all meant to help aid in the process of finding perfection. Y'see, there's these divine aliens or whateverhaveyou (depends on if you read the books or watch the 4-part made-for-t.v. movies) who believe that humanity deserves a second chance...but that the problems with earth is that resources were limited, so outside stimulus is what ruined humanity's attempts at achieving perfection.

Amongst those resources is life itself. Should you die, via suicide or external reasons, you'll be reborn from one of the rivers and spat back out into the world. Sometimes it may take only a month, other times years. Perhaps even longer...but you'll come back, so long as the Riverworld exists.

All this is to help foster the switch from outside stimulus to internal, the alien thought of no longer having to worry about food or material things and, instead, help humans to start focusing more on their own internal search for perfection.

Naturally though, human nature being the way it is, the strong prey upon the weak and bands of humans set up slave camps around the geo-globes, rationing resources as they come once per day.

I'm not going to ruin too much (the various groups that are here, including a bunch of asshole conquistadors) of the storyline, especially the two groups amongst the aliens themselves and their various chosen champions....but all I want to point out is this: to me, the world of Riverworld is friggin' Heaven.

Slave camps to defeat? Brigands and raiders? Making friends with a colorful cast of characters led by Samuel Clemens, Captain of the Not-For-Hire (a nuclear-powered riverboat)? Having the captain of a awesome nuke-powered Zeppelin, the very same captain who made the original designs of the Hindenburg, you're homeboy? A world of rivers that's 100 times bigger than earth where resources are unlimited, you are reborn with your favorite weapons and clothes and such, and while pain and death are guaranteed resurrection?

Holy shit, either this is the best vidyuh gaem ever or Paradise.

Now, some of you are already saying, "Oh Bastard, that sounds horrible! How can you consider such a thing?~!" Well, here's something to consider: what YOU might consider to be heaven might be hell to others...and vice-versa.

I know, freaky ain't it? People are people, and being so while we have the same basic needs and desires (sleep, food, family, comfort, sex, friendship and camaraderie, entertainment) after that it gets VERY complicated, y'knowwhatImean? Environmental factors, culture, what time in history you live in and other nonsuch. All these factors come together to form the melange that is a human being.

So before I get too preachy and what-not, lemme hit you with this: you, no matter who "you" are or where "you" are from, are NOT the only one to desire and envision a paradise in the afterlife. But someone from a different culture, time and place will see their own version of heaven, their own version of paradise.

And it might even be antagonistic towards the idea that they might end up in YOUR heaven.

Now, maybe this is a concept you can't understand. Maybe this is something that you simply cannot accept. Perhaps I'm wrong, and have completely missed the point of all this...I dunno.

What I DO know is me, paradise is a grand adventure of never-ending violence, strife and conflict. Loot to gather, black-and-white morality where even grey is clearly defined, and enemies to defeat. Strength to gather, kingdoms to free, battles to lose and win. To defeat and be defeated, to rise up and defeat once more. Allies to win, loves to pursue, secrets to unravel and conquer.

To conquer and be conquered! To ravage and be ravished!! To beat and be beaten!!! The chance of victor or vanquished at any turn...hell, I even have an entire roleplay handbook-thing devoted to such an ideal. The players of such still talk about the awesomeness that went down, and though we haven't finished it yet (lol a year ago) there are plans of doing so next year, and also a new setting in the same world for a different group.

Now, to some of you reading this, this sounds like Hell (or something right outta The Elder Scrolls or Conan)...but to me?

Heaven in a teacup with cocoa, yo. Before I came to Bellingham, it's how I lived my life...and I'll admit, I miss it.

BUT, who knows what next year will bring up. I'm slowly getting my musculature back, and though my knee still isn't at the point where I can comfortably run again I am going to start working on increasing my flexibility once more. I mean, I wasn't a friggin' circus performer or what have you, but that was my crowning asset really. For a guy as solid and big as I am to be as flexible as I was.

Meh, we'll see. We'll see.


So yeah, y'all ever heard of Military Madness? Advance Wars? Ogre Tactics or, perhaps, Final Fantasy Tactics?

Well, my dad got an actually playable chess game this year for christmas (he's got a killer crystal set from back in the day, but he never touches it 'cuz it's a collectors item or some such - in the very least there's tremendous sentimental value in it for him) and, naturally as we always do, we begin to argue about whether or not chess is truly a good example of a "war game."

He argues that it's war at it's most stripped down, mobility and "this attacks this" only. I argue that it's bullshit, that war and combat in general has WAY more facets to it than simple mobility. If it took two pawns to take a knight, or you needed at least a rook to truly take down a king, I'd be happier about it. If the attack and defensive abilities of each piece was different, I'd be satisfied. If you could gain a tactical advantage by securing a particular choice of territory, then I'd agree that this is indeed a superior combat game.

But it is not. It does not. And it simply does NOT satisfy my conditions of a war game.

So, out of the blue I get the idea of making my own, y'know? Thusly Extreme Existence: Battleworld.

Now, the Extreme Existence is something I used to take part of back in the day, and my friend (who created and ran the thing) pretty much gives me run of the storylines simply because of how awesome I can pull it off. So anyway, naturally I shoot him the idea of Battleworld (just to give him heads up) and he goes "Well shit, you know the canon as much I do, nyukka! GO FOR IT!"

So here we are. So here I am.

Now the Extreme Existence started out as a simple forum where people could roleplay (i.e. - litfags like me) not only just any character, but what we call a "Mary Sue" nowadays, but back then we called them "Overpowered." Basically we were a collective of every fuckhead that would show up in your favorite roleplay forum, bring out a character that was not only Gary Stu levels of fuckpowerful but actually had a credible storyline, actual methods of how to be beaten as well as how to get stronger, and basically just DBZ'ed shit up.

Sure, it could be fun at first but eventually people with no imagination would eventually start clamoring and that person would leave. My homeboy, the guy who owns/ran Extreme Existence, added it into the meta-storyline of the origins of the group: that there are levels of reality a sentient person can achieve. Eventually they can become as powerful as gods, then higher gods, then a couple of other levels but the final be-all end-all (1000 gnosis points) were the Overpowered. Out of the entirety of the multiverse (you can see this comin', yah? Each action and choice spawns a new dimension of reality, etc), each reality (sometimes fewer) can provide a single Overpowered out of the countless millions of trillions of souls.

These Overpowered would eventually find a place in a far-flung universe and, banding together, would turn to face the great dangers and "S Grade" threats to the multiverse. Not all people in the Extreme Existence were heroic, in fact there were quite a few villains who would deign to simply be an anti-hero from time to time (especially S or even S+ grade villains, creatures and beings who could destroy all of existence if they weren't stopped), only to turn around and attempt to fuck us up themselves during times of weakness.

Altogether it was fun. I don't think we numbered any more than thirty or forty people, but we were all bona-fide forumwreckers who hungered to write out awesome fight scenes, spectacular moments of violence, and pretty much indulge in the idea that power alone did not a character make...but it sure made things fun.

Not to get distracted, but I remember one guy who roleplayed a hobo who had the powers of a god so long as he didn't have any money. Suffice it to say his reality-warping abilities was almost NEVER fucked over because no one caught onto this until yours truly hit him in the face with a pocketful of change.

Yeaaaah, that shit was fun.

Anyway, Battleworld takes place on one of the Extreme Existence's "experimental worlds," a series of worlds they themselves established in order to create more heroic Overpowereds in order to ensure that the rising threat of S-grade (and increasingly stronger) threats could be dealt with properly. The only problem is you can't just mass-produce and clone Overpowereds, they have to be spawned out naturally. Sometimes this came through technology, or a mass-consciousness, or magic, or even simple biological drives but the definition of an Overpowered was always the same:

1) The ability to achieve 1000 gnosis either temporarily or permanently
2) The ability to travel the multiverse on their own
3) The ability to visit the home universe of the Extreme Existence on their own.

Sometimes rules have been bent (they've allowed "Overpowereds" as low as 900 into the fold, and it's been noted that a few of the so-called "Shadow Council" and "High Council" themselves were able to travel between worlds but not realities, and sometimes a little push was given via friends and contacts) but for the most part these were the three traits that all within the Extreme Existence shared.

Battleworld in and of itself is yet another example of the Extreme Existence's experiments, a place where four distinct groups (The Kraze Armada, the Legion of Demnos, the Horde, and the Krieg Army) are destined to battle and from them a single (if not more - all four leaders are pretty much of a proper level to become Overpowereds on their own) Overpowered could arise and be brought into the fold, if they so desired. That all four groups are distinctly of the philosophy that they probably WOULD accept such an enrollment was also something they took into account. That and the Overpowered (Nepthis the Everdust) designated to this sector was on the verge of imploding unless he got out and, so the Extreme Existence told him, if he cannot find a replacement of sufficient power he's doomed to stay chained to the planet itself.

All sortsa fun reasons as to why, and I won't give it away here but you get the point. The oldest of the four groups are the Horde, and they're actually native to the planet (though I won't give away anything more than that). Next would be the Legion of Demnos who, like the other two final groups, came to this planet in search of Paradise. Next would be the Kraze Armada, descendants of Harkonnen Kraze herself (my own personal Rule 63 Mary Stu and a fave reoccurring character of my homeboy's - she's practically in the canon even after the disbanding of the forum), the legendary Imperial-blooded Planeswalker of Neo-Tokyo's origin. Last but not least are the descendants of yet another of my rage-fueled characters, Maximum Krieg, the "Krieg Army." Out of all four groups, the Krieg Army is the youngest on this world, having crash-landed a mere two years ago and have already entrenched themselves within the Wastelands to the east.

Anyway, I'm done transcribing all the crap I wrote over the holiday vacation, and am attempting to figure a way to post it without posting spoilers, y'know? What do YOU guys think? Lemme know and if I get enough of ya sayin' "Hey, let's see this!" I'll post the write-ups on The Pen Is My Sword and go from there.

I'd REALLY like to drum up some artists and programmers for this, but more than likely I'll hafta use crap ASCII characters and program it m'self. At least in the beginning...I dunno, maybe I'm being too optimistic?

Lemme know.


So some of you know I play the vidyuh, right? Well here's a coupla titles that have really been eating up my gametime otuside of Ultimate Marvel Versus Capcom 3 (in b4 LOL COMBOLOCK I got into it for my tourney friends - the MOMENT Guilty Gear 3 or XXX comes out, I'm on that shit).

Katawa Shoujo in a nutshell

Shizune: Bang Misha first, get bad ending. No drills, but still bangworthy even if a bit melancholic and unfappable. Screw Shizune multiple times 'cuz I keep fapping to her route. It's not even that she has gigantic tits, she just has a small frame and an hourglass figure. I just, honestly, really dig her competitive, aggressive nature. As a fellow competitive, aggressive type I find it an absolute turn on to actually make love to an equal.

Narcissistic? Naw, I don't mind masturbation but I wouldn't want to fuck myself or my own clone. UNLEEEEESS it was a rule 63 situation, then holy hell we'd be in trouble.

I'm just sayin', yo.

Rin: 2deep4u. 2deep4u EVERYWHERE. So many feels, but not the usual assortment: namely I just enjoyed her cloud cuckoolanderness and thought the whole gallery situation was a bit forced. The art teacher needs to be taken out to the ol' wood shed and put down like the frothing idiot he is.

I hate people who live their lives vicariously through others. Get your own talent, you hack.

Emi: Don't wanna talk about it. Not even because I liked the h-scenes or because of the ending, if you've read the post you know why.

Don't wanna talk about it.

Hanako: Mmmm, crispy bacon and sweet rabbit. Seriously, she smelled like bunny from the get-go, and something about her just drives my sadistic streak completely wild.

Pretty good h-scene too. For whatever reasons, I refused at the time to play the bad ending or "worst" ending, even if that meant a rape scene. Just wasn't up for it, really.

Lily: Her h-scenes really kinda disappointed me, except for the blindfold sex. Then Hisao disappointed me. For a girl with a "normal adolescent sex drive," she sure didn't show it. Emi had a better sex drive. BUUUUUUT, I can really dig Lily's classiness and various faces.

Plus she's a tall, blonde, half-scottish half-japanese hottie with impeccable taste for tea. A+++, great buyer, would bang again.

...I still prefer Shizune though. She's just more exciting.

Hell, I only WISH they'd let you bang either Miki, Yuuko (OH GOD YUUKO HNNNNG) or Akira.

Shit, I could already see Akira's route being a Phoenix Wright-ish situation. Not that I played the PW games, but my god do I wanna get my hands on 'em. Might as well anyway, thanks to the internuggets I know a bit of the lore of the games and they do agree with my sense of storyline writing.

That and I've already got that horribly translated PW porn game, so might as well, y'know?

Where was I? Oh yeah, Akira.


Just so fucking cool. Girl works a business pantsuit, for real.

Not all women can pull it off, but then again not all men can pull off pink shirts or silk pajamas.

I'm just sayin'.

Skyrim in a nutshell

RIP November 2011.

I don't even fucking remember you.


~That Bastard


  1. Wow, that is a big wall of text man. :D
    I've read through it all but there is one thing in the beginning that got stuck into my head for the rest of the text..
    is this your cabin?

  2. DUDE, that's actually pretty close to what my cabin looks like!

    Freaky. 'Cept I don't have a boarded up window (just fucked up locks on said windows) and a crooked-assed door.

    And, for very strange reasons, a new paint job on the outside. I don't even know why...

    OH, and I forgot to point out all sorts of wierd-assed nails pounded into the walls but are still pokin' out a good measure. I'm thinkin' of tryin' my hand at a horror story with that concept, 'cept I admittedly suck at writing horror.

    I just don't do well with writing that DOESN'T have at least an aspect of the characters being able to defend themselves, even in the most "yeah, you're fucked" of situations.

    And yeah, sorry 'bout the wall of text...reckon I was in high spirit last night.

  3. I frickin' love RPG's! Original ones are the best, I bet. I've only played characters on various editions of D&D. My last one was killed off due to his being 'overpowered'. Stinking necromancer took out my warforged artificer.

    The storyline to Battleworld seems to have a plethora of possibilities that gain my attention. Extreme Existence also stirs something very creative in my soul.

    Horror is difficult when you've written so many ways to escape from death to reclaim life. To reverse that is something that goes against the grain. I've only dabbled in horror by writing a horror/eroti short story that dealt with a mad scientist accidentally zapping the crud out of his favorite test subject, subject 'X'.

    Don't worry 'bout the wall of text. I tend to do that here in the comments more than my actual posts. The more we build, the closer we get to being the literary equivalent to Master Masons. Sure beats master baiter, anyday.

    1. Wooooah, I learned how to reply properly!

      So yeah, the Extreme Existence was the biggest gathering (for me, at least) of Gary Stu's and Mary Sue's just having fun out-Stu/Sue-ing each other. And it wasn't a "because I said so" kinda thing, you had to have explanations and a backstory to go with dat ass, and the full realization that you WERE going to lose, probably more than once. You had to grind your way to the top, and even those at the top weren't always the strongest...just the best, and most imaginative in how they applied literary violence.

      Yeah, that shit was fun.

      Y'know, I've actually got a script that I haven't even started on called "Hunting Grounds." It's a GREEEAT gorror vehicle, I just don't have it in me to start the fucking thing. Like all my projects, some shit comes up and screws with my life so eventually I just drop all projects and get to them sometime later.

      Hey, 's coo bro. Wallotextreply away~! And yeah, the slave awaits while the master baits.

      ABWABWABWA I watched A History of The World Par 1 recently.

      And for the record, Neo-Tokyo: Unit 13 has a god of necromancy. And multiple necromantic NPC's. No necromantic characters though, but one of the players WAS a Kyton (chain devil).

      Yeah. That shit was FUN yo.

  4. Why is heaven a place? Jeweled houses? Do people actually believe that stuff?

    1. I wouldn't be surprised if thee ARE. Plenty of Christians believe humans transmogrify into angels upon death (if they're good and clean enough), so yeah...there ya go.

      Some people want to live in jeweled houses. Some people want to throw rocks through jeweled houses. Some people want houses made of roast beef.

      I'm not even jokin', m'man.

  5. so are or you are not making bombs?

    1. Er, why? You a narc? YOU A NARC COP BUDDY?

      Naw, naaaw man. At least, none that I'll admit to that I haven't already made under my rights as an American. Molotovs are easy as shit to make, and you don't need alcoholic bottles to make it outta either~!

      Also, I lack 37 opposing manifestos. I DO have a manifesto or two, but neither are opposite of one another and both reflect my thoughts and feelings towards the subject matter they rant about.

      And then you have my blogs.